Asking For Help

Things have been troublesome for me. My relationship of 4 years has ended, and I’m still heartbroken over that fact. It’s only been a couple days, and so the feelings are still very raw. It’s difficult to have 4 years of good memories in your head, only to be trumped by the memory of one incident: the break up.

I’m okay with having to move forward. I mean, I’ve been through a lot worse things in my life than a breakup, and have had my heart broken on the same level once before. I’m used to the pain. I’m used to the random crying that hits you when you hear a song that reminds you of everything, or see a couple, or hear about people and their love, or see all the pictures we have. I’m used to the constant feelings of “wow, this is all your fault” because I’m used to things getting ruined because of my mental health. And that’s essentially what all this boils down to.

I still have my cat. I love her, and I will forever love her. And I thank him for buying her for me those 2 years ago, she’s been a great addition to my life. So that’s one thing to be thankful for.

On top of that, the program I work for is also closing in December. I feel I am no longer welcome in this town by way of the universe, and that because both my job and relationship are essentially over at the same time, it’s a sign that it’s time to move on to bigger and better things.

I plan to move down to Los Angeles where peer support jobs are rampant in certain areas, and where I can really use my creative talent: my writing, my photography. I want to be able to blossom in this crazy life, and I’m sick of being stifled and stagnant. All of this stress is really kicking up my mental health issues, and so is not having the money to even pay for my prescriptions right now.

I started a GoFundMe. Hear me out: I hate taking money from people. I hate taking offers from people. I hate doing anything that requires me to beg. But I am in a situation where I can’t just up and leave town and not risk being homeless. I can’t stay in town and not risk being homeless. Again. I’m trying to avoid that. Again.

I would use the funds strictly for moving expenses and nothing more. That means the U-Haul to get my stuff down there, the deposit and first months rent on a place ( a room for rent, of course), and food along the way. I’m asking for 2k. Not too much, not too little.

If you know anyone who is willing to donate, that would be amazing. The link is here. I’m just a young 23 year old trying to make a new start in a world that has beat me down from the beginning. And I’m not trying to act helpless. I’m not even on disability, although with my diagnoses I could qualify. But I want to do things on my own, prove to myself and the world that I can be who I need to be without second guessing myself or degrading myself.

I am just in need of a little help.

I’ve been apart of this wordpress community for three years now, and have been thankful to every single person who has ever liked or commented on this blog. And now I’m finally reaching out to every single one of you and asking for just a bit of help. You don’t have to donate, that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking for you to share the link on Facebook, on Twitter, on LinkedIn, whatever. I only have so much of a following, and could use more help in that department.

If you do donate, thank you, thank you. Every little bit helps.

Now, I’m going to try and get ready for my day, as difficult as that’s becoming.

Thank you.

Mystery Blogger Award

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Thanks yourenotaloneinthisworld for nominating me.

I haven’t participated in one of these things in a while, mostly because I live under what some people call “a rock”. I prefer to call them “small, safe spaces under which people never look because they’re afraid a snake or spider may live there”. I live there because I am both a snake and a spider. Jokes on you if you thought I was human.

Anyway, with chain blogging awards come rules. With rules, comes anarchy. With anarchy, comes me. So I will follow the guidelines in my own style. As you can tell.

If you’re wondering what a mystery blogger award is, you’re not alone. Apparently the creator of this is Okoto Enigma. Kind of jealous of the name. Check out their blog here. Their definition of their award is as follows:

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates, it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve any recognition they get. The award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.

-Okoto Enigma

If you support anarchy, of which flows through my veins adamantly, do not follow these set of rules:

  • Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  • List the rules.
  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link to their blog as well.
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  • Nominate 10-20 people.
  • Notify each of your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
  • Share your link to your best post(s).

I will reiterate my stance on nominees once more: I feel incredibly awkward nominating people. I feel incredibly awkward typing how incredibly awkward that is. That being said, whoever I nominate will probably be people who I see most often moseying around my blog, or people who’s blogs have given me (and others) insight to a different perspective. However, if you feel compelled to completely ignore my nomination, I won’t take it personally. If anything, I just want to list the blogs so others can click on them.

For those who are still wondering who I even am, or why exist in this world–well, I’ve been wondering that as well. But I probably have a little more insight on me than you have on me, so here are three things about myself:

  1. Giving fucks is not a characteristic of mine. This means, as I’ve stated in many posts, my fucks generally reside on the curb outside of my apartment. Still confused? Stay turned for a post I write later today on how I teamed up (I was on a team, guys!) with three men in line behind me to create a force-field around our line from, as one guy put it, “a bunch of rude motherfuckers”.
  2. I am not human. I come from the stars. If you look out on a clear sky in places where light pollution doesn’t exist to the extent it does in main-land America, you will see my homeland arching across the sky: the arm of the Milky Way. I descended on Earth with no purpose, and have instead found many purposes. Looking forward to the day I return to the stars.220px-milky_way_night_sky_black_rock_desert_nevada
  3. After many years of confusion, after many years of hopping from professional to professional,  after much anger, exhaustion, and hopelessness, I will be seeing soon yet another professional for a possible autism spectrum diagnosis. After many concluding opinions from those doubtful and those convinced, I’ve decided to launch down that rabbit hole. Diagnosis in general means nothing to me, but the implications of understanding my infancy, toddler-hood, childhood, and now adulthood, kind of means something to me for some reason.

As you can tell, I often spew words from my head with no end in sight. I’ll try and keep my answers to these next questions short:

  1. If you could switch lives with one famous person for one day each year, who would it be and why? This is kind of tough for me, as I don’t recognize many celebrities or famous people. If we’re talking about the years 1856-1943,I’d switch lives with Nikola Tesla, just to be inside of his brain. Then I’d time travel back to the present day, switch lives with Elon Musk, and re-create everything Tesla dreamed of.
  2. What would be the best present you could find under your tree this year? Anything with a processing system i7 or greater.
  3. Let’s say you just won the lottery and are now the richest person in the world. What are the first three things you will do? 1) I’d buy out all the electric companies to shut them down, so when I switch lives with Elon Musk and recreate Wardenclyffe, everyone will have free energy. In case you’re wondering, all those jobs will be replaced with jobs to run the free energy sites. 2) I’d buy out psychiatric hospitals across the globe and turn them into peer respites, some of which will offer similar hospital services, but only if you want that. 3) I’d buy a lot of chocolate.
  4. What’s your personal opinion of social media? Social media disturbs me. I use Facebook for science articles. To use it to put blurbs about your life seems like a waste of a learning opportunity.
  5. If you had to loose all of your senses except for one, which would you keep? Even though it gives me a lot of frustration, I would keep my hearing for the sake of music. Music is creation, and it’s all around us, even in the rotation of car tires against the road. Sound is also vibration, and vibrations are the universe, as Tesla says.

Nominees:

If anything, click on these links, you’ll find some great blogs. There’s a huge other list on my blog homepage. It shuffles every few times you refresh the page, so you can find new faces.

If you choose to do the nomination, my questions for you, I suppose, are:

1)If you had any supernatural power, what would it be?

2) What’s your greatest accomplishment and deepest regret?

3)Who or what, or  both, inspires you?

4)What would be your ideal fantasy world?

5)Describe yourself in five words.

Feel free to answer, regardless of whether you participate or not, or whether your blog is listed above or not. I think questions can be a great way to fuel a new blog post if you’ve been stuck in a writer’s block.