Quantum Biology and Hallucinations

I was on a TED talk binge this morning, and I watched Jim Al-Khalili talk about Quantum Biology. Although this is regarded as a relatively new field, it’s not. It’s been around since the 30’s/40’s and was really contemplated within Schrodinger’s book “What is life”.

Essentially Quantum Biology is the study of quantum properties acting within biological systems, like cells. Al-Khalili gave a pretty good summary of the way we have already provided some evidence of this, like the Robin which uses particles that are Quantum entangled in their retina to sense the magnetic poles around the earth–this is how they know which direction to fly during migration. I think this study is the most well known one. The other has to do with Quantum tunneling.

Quantum tunneling is this:


Basically, a particle has the ability to pass through a physical barrier. This has been shown to be a process within the sun and is a prime occurrence in nuclear fusion, but it has also been shown to occur within enzyme processes. Enzymes are those little guys that help with digestion and metabolism. They keep processes speedy and accurate. It only makes sense that they would evolve a quantum process to help them keep up speed.

If you would like to watch the video and get a better summary/explanation than this, here is the link to Khalili’s Ted Talk. 

What I find so fascinating about this besides the quantum element is what it could mean were we to ever really understand what we’re seeing. Especially what it could mean for medicine. Could you imagine understanding the real quantum process within an enzyme that has been infected with a Cancer?

We’d obviously be dealing with a lot probability and uncertainty, but I think we’d have a greater chance at really understanding what’s going on with diseases like that were we to have somewhat of a better understanding of the process it goes through, and the processes it disrupts. I’m no doctor, and I’m certainly no physicist yet, but I do pride myself on being pretty logical and philosophical and there are a lot of ideas that come to mind when I watch videos like this.


There are a few more lectures on YouTube about Quantum Tunneling if you’re interested. When I was in high school I got interested in physics and picked up a bunch of books on the subject. This was before I understood an ounce of math, so I didn’t really get that part of things, but I understood the theories. You don’t have to go to college to learn this kind of stuff if you’re dedicated.

Now that I have taken some physics classes, things are even more clearer. So, honestly, had I not read those books I did in high school, I probably would have had a much rougher time in the classes, and I still had a pretty rough time. Too much group work. I can’t group-think. I have to individual-think.

I think the point in all of this is don’t believe everything you see.

There are so many things out in this universe that we don’t understand.

I was listening to another Ted talk from a man talking about how consciousness is basically all of us hallucinating but agreeing on the hallucinations: that’s what we call reality. He said that the brain uses more information that it’s already gathered about the world to show you what you see, rather than actually seeing what’s in front of you, and therefore what we see and experience are kind of like “controlled” hallucinations. This got me thinking, as he mentioned psychosis and other altered states could then be considered “uncontrolled perceptions”. But because he is assuming that all perception comes from something we’ve already perceived, then what is it that the brain has perceived that makes some people see/hear demons, as yours truly does? What is it in this world, outside of our physical realm, that our brains can sense that we can’t?

You can watch that video here.

Consciousness and the world of quantum mechanics is so convoluted and complicated that anyone who claims to really understand any of it is certainly a liar. Anyone who claims they understand the process of hallucinations is also a liar.

Just food for thought: today’s mental truth.

Rambling . . . Rambles

They have smart watches for kids now? Is that cute or fucking weird? Anyone?


Here, rather than monitoring our kid’s time on the tablet, let’s put a miniature one on their wrist so they never pay attention to anyone or anything in the outside world again, and then complain to a psychologist when our kid doesn’t pay attention in class! Yay! We’re SMART.

SmartWatches: Making Kids Smarterer. One watch at a time. 

ADHD is on the rise, remember? It’s not ever related to parents’ miscommunication with their children, or less activity in the day, or excessive technological usage, or complete and utter mis-diagnosis. Nope. These kids are SICK. Everyone panic! If they cough on you, you’ll get the ADHD!

Well, if anyone coughs on me I’ll punch them in their mouth because that’s called being rude. I don’t want your Ebola-ass, Polio-ass, non-vaccinated-ass, halitosis-stankin’-ass germs all over my skin. Makes me itchy just thinking about it.

I feel like verbally ripping some people to shreds. I wish Alex Gorsky were back in the news again, I would love ripping him a new one again. I could get political, but honestly I don’t care one ounce anymore about who wins this election. The only proposition I even feel like voting for is the one about making porn companies provide and require porn stars wear condoms. That’s literally all I care about this election year.

I spent another night in mental turmoil in my dreams with disembodied voices and then a bunch of arguing. If I have to go through this shit again tonight I’m probably going to go to work tomorrow slightly off my rocker. My eyelids will be twitching, my eyebrows will be different colors, my clothes won’t match, and I’ll speak in tongues and tell everyone the devil has control over me.

Yeah, that’s great. Go into a house where people feel the devil steals words from their head and claim you’re the devil. That’s helping the community. Great job. Much support. Wow.


My head is also throbbing and I’m being a class A procrastinator. I told myself after this blog post I will begin the horror that is the mountain of homework I’ve let build up because today I have a bit more energy and that’s a good thing. But these headaches have to go. I have a feeling these are related to the Effexor. If so, this shit is going to have to go. I feel I’ve had headaches steady every day for the last week .

What I don’t want is another SSRI. I don’t mind SNRI’s, this has actually been a much more pleasant experience; it’s even tamed my appetite. However, this one side effect of the headaches–Christ. I can’t take it. I can’t focus still, and with my head pounding I can’t focus even harder.

I also think I’ve been eating less. That might contribute as well. I just don’t find myself interested in that kind of activity unless it’s the end of the day and my stomach rumbles and I realize, well, shit. I’d rather kick ass in Syndicate than eat food.

Another dissatisfying side effect: twitches and teeth clenching. My boyfriend informed me the other night what when I sleep I’m twitching excessively. That could be due to fatigue, but it’s also a known side effect of Effexor. He said it was freaking him out a little. I wasn’t full on convulsing according to him, so it probably wasn’t some kind of freakish sleep seizure, but it might contribute to my restlessness during the night. If it continues to that extent, I should probably get a sleep study.


The teeth clenching bullshit started with Lexapro. It has not ended, even though I haven’t touched an SSRI for four years. But an SNRI is essentially a Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor, so serotonin is involved. I’ve noticed my teeth clenching has gotten significantly worse than usual. My gums are throbbing and my teeth are screaming and it takes my mouth and jaw being in pain for me to realize I’m clenching them. Then I have to open my mouth consciously and keep it open until I forget about it again and the teeth clench once more. Mouth guards are about forty to fifty dollars here. I don’t think so.

She gave me the option of antipsychotics but my reservations are strong. They are incredibly strong. They’re stronger than the bond between the world’s strongest magnet and the worlds smallest piece of metal.

She has reservations too. I could see them. She has reservations about what actually goes on in my brain. I felt myself rambling last month and I heard the things coming out of my mouth and I saw the look on her face, the look I once caught myself giving to people at work when I first started. It’s the look of clinical concern all psychologists and psychiatrist are trained to give when someone starts talking about unrealities.

Clinical concern versus genuine concern are two different things. With genuine concern you’re focused on the person. With clinical concern you’re flipping through the DSM in your head. I’ve experienced both. I lean more towards genuine concern after working at Second Story for the last five months. It helps build a connection much easier. Clinical concern gets you nowhere.

That being said, I could see her judging whether she should chalk up what I spoke about to anxiety or something else. She tried slipping the antipsychotics into my prescription print out for a reason, though. She TRIED. Very HARD. I’m not falling for it. The thing about someone who is always suspicious is that when it comes to people trying to control us, our automatic reaction is to push away. Sometimes that saves us.

I’ve been rambling and procrastinating for too long. In conclusion: smart watches for kids is fucking stupid, headaches hurt my brain, and anyone else who suggests antipsychotics can take a big load of Thorazine right up their ass.

I said something similar before I went to my last psychiatrist appointment, and somehow I walked out with three diagnoses and a prescription. This time I’ll probably walk out with a max dose of Haldol, a lobotomy and four more diagnoses’.

Much optimism. Great Positivity. Wow.


Christmas And The Internet



Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate such things. Happy holidays to those who don’t, and happy Solstice to everyone. Yay, the sun is coming back.

I am now a proud owner of a ChromeBook.

I hated them when they first came out until I saw how useful it could be for school. Since my old laptop currefntly has two broken legs, a fractured wrist, and part of its brain is soft and squishy, I knew I’d need something a little more portable and practical than my 24in desktop. It’s 18 pounds. I refuse to be this person:


I have a 10 inch, the size I wanted. It flips backwards with a touch screen to go into tablet mode and it’ll come in handy for my online class.

The irony of it all? I don’t have a stable internet connection. I just think it’s funny I get technology that relies on the internet I don’t have.

I’m using it to type this post and honestly I’m impressed with how smooth the keyboard is. Although the screen is smaller than your average laptop I can see things just as clearly. I don’t need giant screens.

One complaint I always had with my laptop was when I sat at desks in public places, I felt like everyone was staring at my screen. Not the people who glance and walk past, but like people set up chairs behind me just to watch.

Exactly Like This

With this thing I can at least block the screen.

Hackers. They’re all hackers, I swear.

Enough paranoia. Here’s why you should get a Chromebook for this coming semester/quarter/year/for your kid you don’t want to buy a 500 dollar laptop for.

And that’s my main goal: it’s much cheaper. You don’t need to buy all the subscriptions that come with laptops. Do you remember the days you could walk into an electronic store and buy a computer pre-loaded with Microsoft office? Remember when you had to put a product key in your office account within thirty days before it expired so you could use word? Remember when you didn’t have to pay for annual subscriptions? Remember when things made fucking sense?

I don’t like that they raised the price on the electronics, took everything important off them, and then still make you buy subscriptions. I think it’s a joke, it’s a scam, and if I don’t need it for work purposes or school purposes, there’s no way in hell I’m going to pay 600$ for something worth 200.

I don’t care if I put the dollar sign on the wrong side. I type it how I say it. Six Hundred Dollars.


hqdefault2Why complain about not having Microsoft word installed on a Chromebook when there’s a little thing called Word Online. If you didn’t know, now you know. It’s not as fucking horrible as Google Docs and you can basically do everything word does, except for free. And save it online. Where it will never be a corrupted file. It might get stolen by internet hackers but dude, no one wants your fucking history notes.

If you have a dropbox, it’s even easier to transfer and edit documents online with Microsoft Word for free. 

Have kids? Have 12 year olds? Don’t want them watching a lot of porn? Get a Chromebook.

Have kids who like to play video games on their computer instead of doing homework? Get a Chromebook. Bitches won’t be playin’ no games. Not unless they can handle some serious lag.

Don’t think your ten year old needs electronics to live by? Already mad your brother bought her an Iphone? Does she need to be on Google Classroom for her school because apparently that’s a thing now? Get her a Chromebook. There’s an app for that.

6a00e5536443eb88330147e384504b970bWhy do little kids have Iphones? Don’t give me that “they need a way to get in contact with me” bullshit. Listen. When I was eleven we were homeless and lived in a different town–same county, different town. I went to school in my home town area and often had to walk places to meet my parents to pick me up or went to friends houses until I could get picked up. They bought me a phone so I could stay in contact with them. Sure, this was before fancy touch screens but I didn’t get no Motorola Razor, I got a prepaid cell phone where you had to buy minute cards from Valero.

Because that’s what you give to fucking kids. Phones that aren’t going to make deficits in their attention when they’re in high school.

“My kid is going to be made fun of if they don’t have a phone!”


Just . . . shut . . . shut the fuck up and get off Earth. Get. Off. Don’t come back until you get a new brain.

Do people not realize what frame rates do to developing brains? You’re teaching them to multitask and not in a good way–too many fast things. Even I notice a difference in myself compared to people barely ten years older than me. I’m jumping around from topic to topic, I’m doing about ten different things on three different devices at once.

Imagine that in your thirteen year old, but ten times worse.


See, I went on a whole tangent and I was talking about fucking Chromebooks.

best-samsung-chromebook-2-11-inch-laptopChromebooks are slim and easily portable.

They take care of all your school needs without any subscriptions.

No, they will not be powerful like your laptop, so don’t post an online review complaining about it. If you don’t understand the specifications of 2ghz and such when you’re reading about them, either do some research or don’t buy it. Don’t consider it a bad product because you’re a fucking idiot.

Taking online classes? Perfect. That’s what I wanted mine for.

Easy access to dropbox/cloud documents. Edit and share documents anywhere.

Eye hackers who gawk at your screen will have to squint and that will give you time to block your screen and whip your head around at them and hiss.

There are some Chromebooks the size of laptops, but . . . that kind of defeats the purpose. Unless you need larger print and webpages for visual reasons.

If you go to school, these are a must. If you don’t think your child needs a piece of high tech technology (you’re absolutely right), this is the perfect beginning device for them. Don’t want them on it all night? Turn off the internet.

maxresdefault2There are simple ways to keep your kids from getting addicted to technology. You just have to be smart about how you buy. Chromebooks are stylish and cute so your kid won’t be made fun of, if you’re one of those superficial people, but they also keep their focus directed on one thing. And like I said, just turn off the modem if you don’t want them on it. They won’t be able to do jack shit.

That’s supposedly a lot of complaints is that it only runs on the internet but think about it . . .what do you do when you get on your desktop? Laptop? Probably Facebook. So . . . what are you complaining about?

Perfect for school. Need to save a bunch of pictures and documents and shit like that? Well, save up your money and buy a laptop. Need something cheaper and more practical because you’re a broke college student eating Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Get a Chromebook.

Mine resembles a Macbook. So I mean, fool your friends.


Except that it says Asus.

So I mean . . .

Fool people for .1 second.

Hope everyone is finding some way to enjoy their holidays.

Shout Out to all the ten year olds with Iphones this Christmas. Congratulations, your high school years will be hell when you realize books don’t have apps built into the pages.