YouTube.

Something I’ve noticed about this world today, and maybe you’ve noticed it too, is that social media has become the main platform for not only giving news, but receiving news, updates, and connecting with people. You all know that I’ve got a Twitter (@Ipenned), and an Instagram (@Written_in_the_photo), as well as a Booksie account (@ImpulsivelyPenned) and this blog. One crucial element I feel that has been missing from my social media life (besides Facebook which I rarely ever go on) is a YouTube Account. I’ve been talking about making one for ages and I think I will finally follow through with my talk.

I will be starting it up in the next few days. What will I talk about it, you ask? What will it be about? I’m thinking of weaving some mental health stuff in, information about peer support, where to find it, how to find it and how to give it.  Maybe some gaming, some rants, a little bit of everything, and some shoots of the ocean to show you the life I live and the travels I go on.

If there is anything you would like to know about me for the first video, or about peer support most importantly, post your comments down below or email me some questions through my contact page. I will be answering questions in the first video. I would also like to collaborate with people who are also up-and-coming YouTubers, people who are just beginning, or who have begun and would like a new face on their channel. If you are any of those people, or any other people, contact me through my contact page and I’ll surely address you.

This is an exciting time for a millennial like me, all this new technology, and I figured I might as well take advantage of it, despite the hate I may get. I think one of the best ways to get a message out there is to try. And YouTube seems like a great way to connect with people I’ve never had the change to connect to before.

So again, have any questions or comments or maybe even concerns, shoot them in a comment below or send them to me through my contact page. We’ll see where this journey leads us.

Mainstream Psychology & Psychiatry

Alright, let’s talk about this. Some of you probably already know my stance on psychology, psychiatry, and the way the system is set up. If you’re new to this blog, and haven’t been through the ringer with me, check out the quotes at the bottom of the home page and you’ll probably get the jist really quickly.

But there’s a trend on social media that I kind of want to address. It’s this cliche thing of naming what people like to call “mental illness”. I’ll use the term here because they do, but know I don’t believe in it, and never will I call myself mentally ill.

twitter_512I came across a Tweet (yes, I use twitter: @Ipenned) today stating “Social Anxiety disorder is not to be confused with introversion–which is true. It went on to state that people who are extroverted can also have social anxiety, which is certainly true. But then they had to ruin that truth with “Social Anxiety Disorder is a mental illness and can affect anyone”.

Why does that ruin the truth? Well, as someone who has struggled with social anxiety since I was a toddler (4 years old), and we’re talking severe social anxiety, I used to faint if I got called to the front of the class, and once spoke in tongues in front of a whole class because a substitute teacher called on me and my brain stopped working. I’ve made two whole friends in my life by myself. But as someone who has struggled with this, the last thing I want to be called is ill.

I’d rather be told I experience life differently. I’d rather be told not only is it okay to be anxious, but it’s okay to not need, want, or feel pressured to make or be involved in friendships. A lot of my anxiety abated when I went off on my own. Not because I’m some sick loner that needs to get my shit together, but because I actually enjoy time to myself, and the anxiety tires me out if I’m around people too long. That’s not a problem. That’s not something that’s wrong with me. That’s me. And if other people have a problem with it, that’s on them. They don’t have the right to call that part of me an illness.

I don’t consider my psychosis an illness. I interpret things differently, I think about things differently, my perspective is often through a lens of trauma, which becomes a lens of delusion, and once I was helped to understand that, a lot of clarity ensued.

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I don’t consider my depression an illness. I’ve been through a lot in my life, including homelessness, growing up around a lot of alcohol and drugs, domestic violence, violence–that changes the way you think, the way you see things, and the way you feel. Your neurons develop different connections. That’s not an illness. That’s an environmental change, an evolution. That’s called plasticity. Depression has opened up so much beauty in the world to me, I wouldn’t be as grateful, thankful, or happy as I am today without depression. And that’s not me glorifying the situation, that’s me finding the good in what everyone says is bad.

So it frustrates me when I see people on social media promoting this idea of illness. Why are you insulting yourself? Why are you feeding into the labels? I’m so confused.

I’m confused on why people think injections of medication is a good thing. I’m confused on why that’s not seen as a trap. I get that a lot of people have trouble taking their medication, I’m one of those people, but are once-monthly injections necessary? What if the person wishes to get off and their doctor doesn’t agree? Their power is taken away. And I understand that people really wholly believe their doctor knows what’s best for them. But I’m come across many psychiatrists who instead push their own agenda and don’t listen to a word I say. How is that knowing best? How is not listening to your “patient” knowing what’s best?

I guess I’m just confused in general. I’m sick of being seen as the enemy. I’m sick of people thinking that because I refuse to feed into the hype of pop psychology that I’m in denial of my own issues. If you want to consider yourself disordered and sick and ill and put all these negative connotations on yourself, and then turn around and say you’re not your illness, you go ahead and play around with it, try to make that logically sound. I, however, refuse to play into bullshit and refuse to play into the hype.

And that’s today’s Mental Truth.

Rants and Rambles

Songs have a beautiful way of expressing things we struggle to speak. Tonight I am listening to The Strumbellas, and I fell in love with their songs “Spirits” and “Shovels and Dirt”. I think each line has something impressive to offer. It’s hard to miss the main line in spirits: “I’ve got guns in my head and they won’t go, spirits in my head and they won’t go”.

And I think “it ain’t worth livin’ if you don’t get hurt” and “I’ve got a head full of darkness and darkness is good” is also two of the most beautifully truthful lines I’ve heard, along with “Well demons pull me side to side again, yeah well I’m scared to sleep and I hate my friends . . .” I never knew it was so easy to sum up psychological pain.

Is darkness good? A lot of my depressions have been bad, the episodes have driven me into self-destruction and put me through a lot of pain, but the beauty that has come out of that pain has been magnificent. I’ve done some of my best writing. I started this blog. I played some of my best on the piano. Without that little bit of darkness, half of me wouldn’t exist. The darkness is me, and it’s a part of me I couldn’t live without.

That being said, I’ll be in the Santa Monica area tomorrow. Sometimes it’s nice to push aside the darkness and have a little fun.

I don’t talk much about my writing projects on here, but most people know I write short stories as well as some poetry that I think is shit. I’ve been to some fiction workshops, and I’m taking yet another fiction class this semester, but I’m shit at communicating with other writers. Maybe if we write back and forth, I can communicate with them, but not many are willing to do that.

So, if there are ever any fellow writers out there who are serious about their writing, and would be willing to give me some thoughtful, constructive criticism on my work in return for a batch of my own thoughtful, constructive criticism on their work, please get in contact with me. I have a few writing projects that I want to push forward, but I need some more reassurance and criticism before I do.

I’m not quite sure what this post is. Remember when I used to do these kinds of vagabond posts where each paragraph is something completely irrelevant to the previous one? I took some Melatonin and I’m hoping it will knock me out soon so I don’t have to torture you all any longer.

Love yourself. You are enough.

And that’s today’s mental truth. Well, tonight’s mental truth. It’s almost tomorrow’s mental truth. I’ll blog about my Santa Monica experience. I’ll be sharing pictures on instagram, you can follow me there @ Written_in_the_photo, and my twitter @Ipenned. I don’t use Twitter much, and I just created a new account, so there’s not much there, but if you’re a big twitter person, you might get a kick out of things I retweet.

Anyway, enough of this shit post. Ali, Out.

Totally Unintentional Self-Promotion

champagne

Could have been the champagne, the champagne,

Could have been the cocaine, the cocaine,

Could have been the way you looked at me that told me we were through!

I’m rocking out to some Cavo at 2:40 A.M and you’re reading me while I rock out to some Cavo. Isn’t life peculiar?

I’d say so.

Now, I’m not one for self promotion or anything. I don’t promote any accounts that would give away my true identity because, let’s face it, I’m your paranoid Uncle who happens to be a woman who also happens to screech at you if you don’t lock the door behind you when you come in the house. I’m like my Ethics professor: if I catch someone videoing me without my consent, I smash your camera to the floor.

But, in this case, I’ll do a little self-promotion. While I’m working on a couple of projects for a magazine submission and a later Glimmer Train submission, I’d like to announce that I’ve started a Facebook page, separate from my old account I had as a teenager where I spit out pathetic teenage angst to my former friends who replied with equally angsty-type-angst.

I want this page to be separate from my life and I want it to be more of a digital community than a page where someone posts picture of food and other shit no one cares about. In the attempt to stay positive and move forward in my life, I’ve found that helping others stay positive and move forward in their life is a good catalyst for both parties. Therefore I’ll be uploading positive things, quotes, pictures, events, whatever, thoughts for the day, things to give you a quick laugh or the feeling of being hugged through a computer screen and of course everything and anything relevant to mental health. I’ll try not to  be biased towards any specific disorder or issue.

That’s my goal, at least. 

I’m not sure what’s urged me into social media, perhaps I’ve gotten fed with with all the #shitIsaymatterssolistentome campaigns and wanted to start something semi-interesting of my own. Something relevant, something real.

I’m still not a fan of Facebook. I haven’t been on it since I was 14. It’s changed a lot since 2008 hasn’t it?

At any rate, if you’d like to check it out, it’s here. Or better yet, log into Facebook and search “Mental Truths”. The one with the black and white photo. Because, you know me: I fucked up the link I posted in this post. For fucks sake.

Anyway, It’s also anonymous, so if you’re a stalker planning to stalk me, you’re out of luck. Obviously it’s not going to have a lot on it since I barely started it, but I’m hoping to grow it rather rapidly in terms of content.

I’d also like to share another account that was tweeted (fuck, did I just say tweeted?) to me here. He’s an individual with autism who obviously advocates for, well, autism. I’ve checked it out and I think it’s a nice little community of people.

I also have a Writer’s Cafe account, in case you wanted to know. It doesn’t have much on it because I write things and never upload them. I think I should start.

Of course you don’t care. I’ll shut up now.

MentalTruths OUT.

snoop

 

How To Get Rich–Prank Gone Wrong!!!!!!!!

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Vampires Wear Way Too Much Makeup To Bed

It is 4:44pm and I have just arisen.

*Sigh*

Trying to keep a regular sleep schedule is like one seasoned serial killer hunting another seasoned serial killer. I know going to sleep at 6am and waking up in the afternoon fucks with my depression, it makes it worse.

At any rate, here we are.

I need to finish a short story.

I need to finish my obscure article about love for some obscure magazine.

I know I said I wouldn’t do another technical writing project but sometimes it’s hard to refuse the money (I know, I talk a lot of shit about money too but there you go) so I need to finish that as well.

 

Now I need to start another article about who knows what because the person only ordered it but never said what for. For fucks sake people.

And as I speak they send me a request to write for their website on the potential dangers of current practices in Psychiatry. What a coincidence that I’ve read several books on this since I was 15. I think it’s time to have some fun.

If anyone ever wants me to write something, they should know the LAST thing to ask me is what’s wrong with the industry. That’s . . . that’s a professional rant waiting to happen. I slaughter bitches.

maxresdefaultI should have started a YouTube Channel instead. You know, go find a bunch of black dudes “in the hood” and pretend to stab one in the back and then when his friends try and jump me I’ll scream “It’s a prank! It’s a prank dude, fuck!” and act like it’s their fault for getting pissed off. I’ll point out the camera people running also screaming “it’s a prank” and then thank whatever diety pops into my head first that I didn’t get shot. I’ll properly title it “Getting Stabbed in the Hood–Prank Gone Wrong!”. Then when I have eight million subscribers and make two million, three million dollars for being a dumb ass, I’ll start my own vlog channel and show everyone how to party like a rich asshole.

1280x720-lxbOr I could start a YouTube gaming channel. Play Until Dawn and act like the jump scares give me a heart attack. Play small developer games like Five Nights At Freddy’s (fuck I’m so over that bullshit) or free games from Steam and promote some business for them. When YouTube sends me a copyright notice I won’t trip; I’ll just create a new channel and build my subscribers up until bitches won’t fuck with me any more. Once I surpass PewDiePie’s 40 million, I’ll be making a good 7.4 million dollars (or more) and I’ll write my own book (which I’ll do anyway) and I’ll have my own game created. I’ll also start a vlog channel and document my trips across the world to the places you can’t afford because you’re not funny (or stupid) enough to entertain seven year old’s online.

293f85ee00000578-3105751-cool_he_wore_a_pair_of_crisp_white_vans_trainers_and_a_black_bea-a-10_1433170805469Then I can rightfully start a Vine account and show you seven second snippets from my life. I’ll ride around on a PhunkeeDuck and pretend to be “Gangsta” or I’ll make a million different “What Yo’ Mom Do When You Don’t Wake Up For Skool” snippets and when I get a million views and followers and get promotions and commercials calling me for business, I’ll remind all my YouTube followers to also follow me on Vine and Twitter and Facebook.

One good thing out of all this ridiculousness? I’ll be able to pay for medical school, my car repairs, and a place to live.

All the touring, the craziness, the partnership with YouTube would probably get to be too much for me.

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Ihascupquake

Besides, how many women are popular gamers on YouTube? I know of one or two who have a few million subscribers but their view count is in the low hundreds of thousands or thousands. You see, starting a YouTube account with the intention for money is like starting a small business. I read an article on the professional aspect of it from a guy who’s been partnered with them for years before “Let’s Play’s” and before PewDiePie. The article is a few pages long and he outlines literally everything you’d need to do, the importance of subscribers over views and the importance of views once you have subscribers.

YouTube Is The Future and The Future Is Now.

Hold on to your horses.

Your robotic horses that transform into your car and fly you to the moon when you want to be alone.

I would write more, but as you can see above I already have a shit ton shoved up my ass over the next three days. So for now, I bid thee farewell.

And no, I’m not sharing the YouTube business article. It’s mine. It’s going to make me a rich asshole.