Alive Again


I am alive.


I have been absent for a day.

Two days?

I’m not entirely sure. I’ve been lying in a sickened haze.

My sinuses were under attack by some stealthy virus whose presence went unknown for a day or so until my white blood cells located it and decided to ensue an attack.

It was a brutal war. Many have been lost. Many have been wounded. And yet we emerge victorious.

I’ve been fucking sick, that’s my point. 


I don’t do sick well. As you know, I have health anxiety and with even the smallest sickness comes the inevitable thought that the most benign virus could possibly kill me. You know that woozy feeling you get when it feels like someone’s stuffed two hundred cotton balls in your sinuses? I interpret that as a sign towards my impending demise.

Then came the sore throat. My God, I hate sore throats. They always make me grateful for the smoother days I don’t have a sore throat.

My anxiety over whether or not I’m going to die, and the sickness in general I think, raises my heart rate and I receive that as a sign towards my impending demise.

“The virus has attacked my heart valves and has been obstructing my arteries, this is it, this is what death feels like”.

Some hate being sick to the point where their first thought is cold medicine, aspirin, decongestants, blah, blah, blah.

cough-syrupI hate that. I hate cold medicine and antibiotics more than I hate being sick.

I see more use in cold medicine for making Meth than I do for curing my ailments.

I also don’t take aspirin. I’ve taken it once in my life, and that was when I got my first leg cramp in my calf. It woke me up at 2 in the morning when I was 11 and I was so tired and so confused, I just took whatever was offered to me. And that happened to be an aspirin.

But if you’re someone who takes aspirin for your headaches, please feel free to comment why. Is it the pain? Do you feel the headaches interfere with your day? Your duties?

I’ve never gotten a migraine, but I do get frequent cluster headaches and some that hit me so hard (not hard enough to be a migraine) that I can do nothing else but lay flat on my back with the lights off and no noise.

I just don’t see the logic in those kinds of medicines. Your body is telling you something is wrong. What is the point of suppressing your warning signal? If I’m working hard or something and I get a headache, there’s no way in hell I’m going to take something to stop the pain so I can keep working my body to a point it doesn’t want to be worked too. It’s that whole concept of respecting what your body tells you that I’ve been raised with. If it gives me a signal that it doesn’t like what I’m doing, I take a break and I assess what went wrong.

That can be hard to do if you have a demanding job or a stressful life, I understand. Maybe then you should reassess what you’re doing with your life. I will never push myself so hard that I’m fighting against my body. If your body isn’t on your side than you have nothing left.

keep-calm-and-love-your-body-4My body and I work together. I don’t rule it and it doesn’t rule me.

However sore throats are the bane of my existence, so I sip Musinex once before I go to bed just to coat my throat for the first few minutes before I fall asleep. I never take more than about an eighth of the measurement cup they give you because I’m only concerned about my throat. I’m a baby when it comes to swallowing past sand paper, it just irks my nerves.

I have many home remedies for things. Bloated because you ate too fast or because of a certain food in general? Baking soda, vinegar and water (more water than vinegar) will fix you right up.

Acne? Lemon, baking soda, vinegar. Mix it together until it’s a nice paste, slather it over your face, wait twenty minutes, and wash it off. You don’t even really need lemon.

Acne scars? Rip off an aloe vera leaf and rub that gooey inside over the scars you want fixed. After about a month and a half I was amazed at the results. The scars were fading and my skin was lightening. Not lightening dramatically, I’m not Michael Jackson, but my tones are evening out because of a simple plant.

medermaIf you’ve ever used Mederma for stretch marks or scars (it’s usually about 30-40 bucks in a store), one of the main ingredients is often Aloe Vera. Sometimes onion bulb. Just go rip off a leaf and save yourself some money for fuck’s sake.

Why spend money on products that contain chemicals when there are literally hundreds of other ways to treat your skin and your body?


Sick? Feed a cold, starve a fever. Don’t not eat because you’re not hungry. Shove it in your mouth. I don’t care what it is, just eat it. Drink it. Anything anyone offers you. I’ve never had a cold last longer than a day and a half with this method.

The flu is different. I had the flu at 11 years old and I’m pretty sure that scarred me for life.

I didn’t blog because I was too busy eating and sleeping and watching Good Mythical Morning on YouTube. If you haven’t seen them, go check ’em out, it’s family friendly and pretty entertaining if I do say so myself.

I ate a bunch of Spicy Thai noodles, wanton soups, half a large pizza, fruits, chocolate; a bunch of things. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was eating and drinking water.

Today, no sickness. My sinuses have calmed, my sore throat is gone, my head is clear, and I don’t feel like I’m going to die anymore. Although, I never don’t feel like I’m going to die with this anxiety.

If I could eat anxiety away . . .


Or better yet, if the food I ate used up my anxiety energy, I’d never gain wait and I’d never be anxious. 

I really needed to get rid of this cold since classes start Monday. I didn’t want any residue, no fogginess.

What am I taking? Thank You for not actually asking.

More Calculus. 


Cultural Geography. Online. Because I’m not fucking going to that class.

Human Services: Physiology and Pharmacology. It’s not required. It doesn’t even transfer. But It sounded interesting and I needed another class to be a full time student. It might come in handy. I did it for the money. It sounds like one of those classes that are memorization based and we all know I fair well in those.

Strength Training. My boyfriend and I have been in agreement for a long time now that both of us need to get back in shape, like in high school. He was an athlete in high school (I’ve probably mentioned he loves sports) and I just loved to work out in high school. I liked being toned and being that one girl in P.E who could keep up with the boys on the bench presses and machinery. It was a good way to work off anger.

But I’ve let myself go because I suck at starting things. My only method of exercise after high school was my bike and my bike required me to go outside. Ew.

I cannot run. I was perfect BMI (18) and perfect weight for my height (130 at 5’7) and you could toss me weights and bikes and machinery and I’ll outshine you in a minute. But you want to run a mile? Well go ahead and just take the medal because I’ll be fucked.

I can’t get my breathing down. My left knee has portions of it ingrown and I end up skipping like a gazelle instead of running.

I can skip like an Olympic athlete though, if you want a short race. I get a good foot in the air. It’s majestic as fuck. 

So anyway, I’m alive and back to blogging.

In case anyone was wondering.