You! Stop It RIGHT NOW: ADHD meds and Psychosis

Alright, everyone STOP.

I found something to rag on already? Damn, it must be a divine plan for me to come back to this blog.

I need to stop this shit before it gets out of hand. I can’t even get through ten posts on my reader on WordPress without seeing: “ADHD medication may increase the risk of psychosis”. And I can’t read one fucking article related to that without getting this bullshit statistic of “rates of ADHD have increased by *enter bullshit number* within the last year”.

Let’s tackle this one stupid point at a time.

First of all, let’s review: The ADHD medications which are being talked about are stimulants. They are not, and let me repeat this, THEY ARE NOT CLEARED FOR NOR RESEARCHED FOR CHILDREN CONSUMPTION, and yet they are given to toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, and people under 25. What do all those age brackets have in common? Their brains are still developing.

Some idiot doctor is quoted in this article saying “We compared amphetamines [Adderall and Vyvanse] to people who were prescribed methylphenidates [Ritalin and Concerta]. We found that the Adderall type drugs had an increased risk of psychosis”.

Wow, you guys! Really? Is that what you found? And did something similar happen when you asked people to mainline some meth? Bump some cocaine twice a day? And moreover, did you ask a thirteen year old to do it?

Someone please just take a bat to my fucking head so I don’t have to read this nonsense anymore. No one should be surprised that a type of amphetamine that has a very similar chemical structure to illegal amphetamines is causing something illegal amphetamines cause in otherwise healthy people quite fucking often.

If anything they need to take this opportunity to learn from this. They already fucked up multitudes of people’s lives. So do us all a favor. Do something you should have been doing from the beginning. Scan the brains of your patients before you put them on this shitty medication and scan their brains afterwards, when they decent into brutal, prescription induced psychosis, and publish the results. And tell us exactly what these psychiatric medications are changing in our brains.

But you won’t do that. That would harm your fucking business.

Now, obviously, not everyone experiences this side-effect. Don’t get fooled–that does not mean the structure of your brain doesn’t change. Let me share an article I posted on my job’s facebook page. And let’s really, really talk about this.

This article here is posted on Mad In America. It’s essentially an interview with a man who was on psychiatric medication, anti-depressants, and has his doctorate now, in medicine, and doing research on behalf of medication withdrawal. It was found in some studies that as much as 1/40th of a general starting dose of an antidepressant immediately effects every serotonin synapse, 70% of which are in your gut.

So let’s think about that. I was started out on 10mg on my antidepressant back in the day. 1/40th of that is .25. .25mg of that antidepressant would have had an immediate effect on me. Would I feel it? Probably not. But your body and your cells and your synapses would. And over time, eventually you would too.

Adderall is an amphetamine and therefore directly effects serotonin levels. The recommended starting dose of Adderall for adults is 30mg. Not quite sure how they came up with starting dose for anyone other than adults considering it’s never been researched on children.

.75mg of Adderall will have an immediate effect on your system. Think about that.

We have absolutely ZERO clue as to what any of these psychotropic medications do to our brains. That’s not me hating on the system, that, my friends, is simply a fact. The research is biased, often perpetrated by bribed researchers, and the media is so inept at reporting truth half of what the studies actually say are never reported. Don’t believe me? If you’re in college, take your university library card, get on the database, and go read some real journals. Trust me, if you understand statistics a lot of these studies will ultimately disappoint you.

On a child, on an underdeveloped brain, even half of 30mg is going to have a lasting effect on them.

This idea that ADHD is rising is also bullshit. Why? Firstly, doctors get paid to prescribe these medications. They get little kick backs from pharmaceutical companies. So, if you come in with your child who has a few tantrums a day and has trouble sitting in school, that doctor isn’t going to ask you what the nature of the classroom is or the nature of the household (i.e, whether or not the child is being stimulated in school, whether or not there’s enough physical activity, whether or not the child’s diet is overdosed with sugar, whether or not the child is glued to electronic devices, whether or not your parenting just sucks ass).

What this is doing is invalidating the people who really do have deficits in their attention. You could go in a doctor’s office and say you’re having trouble focusing and walk out with a fucking Adderall prescription.

Recesses are being taken out of schools or the time outside is being shortened. You think that’s not going to affect a child? Even though I was silent throughout my school years, when it was raining and we weren’t allowed to go outside I got fucking restless. Why? Because I was a fucking kid. That’s why.

I feel bad for the children who really can’t focus, who literally spend every day and every night fighting their brains, trying to finish a paragraph in a book they’re assigned to read. While their classmates talk out of turn one time and are suddenly given a prescription.

Then everyone wonders why, when that child turns 13, she has a psychotic break.

For example, I have attention problems. I start things and I don’t finish them. I space out when people are talking and then randomly blurt something. I’m either very interested in one thing, or interested in nothing. But I function like every other person. I love school, and learning, and my attention issues have never been a problem for me, even as a child. I didn’t grow up with the t.v on every second, with a smart phone in my hand, eating freaking Frosted Flakes with extra sugar. Whenever a psychiatrist asks me if I have attention problems I always say no because I’m not going get punched with a label I don’t need when there are people out there who literally have breakdowns because they can’t focus.

Everyone STOP this MASS HYSTERIA. And think CRITICALLY. Please don’t believe everything you read–including me. Go research for yourself.

And stop trying to find quick fixes for every little hiccup in your life. Because quick fixes don’t exist.

To Friend, Or Not To Friend, That Is The Question

Friends. Friends, friends, friends, friends. It’s always been a touchy subject for me.

In junior high I had one friend who made friends with an older group and so I integrated myself into their group.

Well, it was much less of an integration and more like a . . . hmm. More like this:

I didn’t talk much to them, they didn’t talk much to me, but I followed them around because the idea of standing against the wall alone felt too vulnerable. Eventually I met a group of people I jived with and who didn’t bring tasers to school and we were all socially awkward together. Some of those friendships have stood the test of time, and one in particular has got me thinking about the nature of said relationships.

I have been friends with this person for many years (12?) and while I endured college and psychosis, she bumped coke and crashed cars. Granted, I was the one who introduced marijuana to her in high school, but I had enough sense to know when enough was enough. She obviously didn’t.

Psychosis and anxiety played a part, I guess. Hard to enjoy marijuana when every hit increases the two things you’re trying to escape.

She’s not quite an addict. The coke stopped when she had her kid. Now that her and her “baby daddy” (dear Christ I hate using that phrase) have split, and he takes the kid some weekends, she’s back to hanging with losers. For a while I struggled too, dipping back into Marijuana even though it caused me to end up in the E.R and the psych hospital, and back into heavy drinking even though I’d wake up crying, depressed, ready to end my life. Now that I’m more settled in my decision to stay off medication, now that I’ve got more of a healthy routine down, now that I’ve recovered from my abrupt break-up, I’m ready to move on with life. And for some reason I felt myself being called back to my old friendship.

So I’ve been hanging out with her for a few months, and it’s been fun, we have a lot of memories together and our personalities are similar. But I’m multiple people: I’m a peer worker by day (and overnight sometimes), I go to trainings and enjoy doing wholesome things with my friends/coworkers who happen to be twice my age (I’m 23). I enjoy being able to have an intelligent conversation and still find humor in so many things. And by night I’d run around the streets with her, driving places, drinking, smoking, “enjoying my twenties”.

I’m over it. That got so old so fucking quick ya’ll. Am I an old person in a young person’s body or something?

What really broke the camels back, or whatever the idiom is, punched the camel, killed the camel, whatever– wow, all three of those are horrible. What’s really made this decision for me (that’s better) was last weekend. As we wandered downtown, some people were catcalling, and while I tend to have a disgusted attitude about this, she feeds into it. The attention she receives from men–she needs it to survive. I believe it’s an insecurity thing, but having a deep conversation with her is literally impossible.

So, she went back to the group and got one dudes number. We ended up passing them one last time, where she decided to sit on the sidewalk and make a scene, smoke some weed on the street corner. Of course the group migrates over to us and while one loser is trying to hit on me, the other loser doesn’t need to do much to get her attention. They decide they want to eat at a restaurant with us, and while I’m not opposed to “making friends”, I am opposed to being surrounded by fucking morons.

Both are in their thirties and have children, young children. Why didn’t I leave? I’m not the type of person to leave a “friend” with two older men we know nothing about. Especially since she was still reeling from the molly and rave of the night before. She didn’t have a car, and I didn’t trust either of them to get her home safely. And so I stayed. I endured. I threw a lot of shade her direction masked by humor, which got a few laughs at the table. Fine. I can be an entertainer.

At the end of the night (2:50am) they took off, after one of them smacking her ass, and I took her home. Although this encounter is relatively mild (besides the constant being hit on) the reason it struck a nerve with me is because this has happened once before with her and me. In fact, my dumb 16 or 17 year old high self got in the car with two older guys (maybe early twenties? or younger. Adults.) that she said were going to take us for a ride. She lied to me. Her plan was to lose her virginity to one of them because she “couldn’t graduate high school without having lost her virginity”, because that’s something colleges and jobs care about, whether you fucked some loser or not.

Put that on your fucking resume. Literally. Your fucking resume.

They took us somewhere I didn’t recognize, and that’s when I got angry. No one would tell me where we were. I got out the car when we stopped and was pissed. She got busy with the dude in the car. The other guy, his friend, tried getting me to kiss him, to touch him, e.t.c, and I had to elbow him in the chest to the ground to get him off me. I was very athletic, strong, and wasn’t in the mood for his fucking shit. He stopped after that. We waited. They took us back to the mall. I called my mom asking her to pick us up, and called my friend a whore. We didn’t talk for a while.

I realize I’ve held onto this friendship because I’m scared of being thrown to the sharks, of having to make new friends. I’ve never been good at it. Ever. But by being around the group I have been lately, I realize what true compassion and kindness and friendship is. I never experienced it before, really. I now realize we’re at different points in our lives. We’ve both had setbacks, and we both are struggling to get on our feet. The difference is I would like to balance and she prefers the wobble.

I hope it doesn’t take her son being taken away from her for her to get the fucking picture. Because I’m done. And I’m probably the only friend she had who would actually stick their neck out for her.

Not quite sure how to start this conversation with her.

I Can Fly And Shoot Lazers From My Eyes At ISIS: Vote For Me In 2020

I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to write about today.

I write daily, if you haven’t figured it out yet for whatever reason . . .  but I do write daily. It’s a hassle sometimes, I won’t lie, because I usually sit at the keyboard with a blank mind and get sucked into Fail videos on YouTube for about five hours. In fact, I just got done watching Bad Lip Reading of the NFL for the millionth time. If you haven’t seen those videos, you better truck yo ass on over to the YouTube and watch it; it’ll give you a much needed laugh.

Anyway, I just want to take a moment and say thanks to everyone who supports my posts with likes and comments. You all always have the most interesting responses, and some of the most meaningful, and it really does my heart well to see people who are enthusiastic about writing, about mental health, about reading, about positivity, about bettering themselves . . . all of that helps restore a little faith in humanity. You are all amazing. Thank you so, so, so much for the support. 

Like most people, I started this blog not really knowing what I could to do with it. However, I didn’t start it drunk one night on a whim, I planned it very meticulously. I knew I wanted to speak about my struggles, but I didn’t want to make it about me, I wanted to make it about all of us; a place that outlined personal struggles and tied them to the rest of society. We’re all in this together.

I was sick of people giving me weird looks when I said “I’m studying to be a psychiatrist” because of all the stereotypes they hear about people with mental health issues.

Don’t think us studying the subject aren’t scrutinized even more: you have to be crazy to want to work with crazies, right?


At any rate, I started this blog a couple months ago as a way to dispel stereotypes and bring to light things we don’t seem to talk about. You know, Big Pharma sneaking their way into everyone’s lives and ripping people off, Insurance Company scams . . . things you as a mental health patient may not even know about.

So I didn’t start this in the cliche “make you feel less alone” idea, but that’s always in the back of my mind. How could I ever think of being a mental health professional and only base my knowledge off my own experiences or the words of a textbook? I love learning about how you all see things, how you see yourselves, how you see your life and what you’ve learned from your struggles. As a future doctor, I’m focused on your health, not the insurance companies’. I’m so thankful you’re all willing to share a bit of who you are with the world. It’s good for you and it’s good for us. So thank you.

Professionals who think they know their borderline patient because they read about it in med school have the IQ of a table cloth. Don’t even waste your time. You’re not the one with the problem in that situation.

It’s a matter of ethics and a matter of truth. If you think it’s alright to treat one patient like every other patient than you’re mistaken; you have no vision of humanity and no respect for the uniqueness in every human being.

Speaking of truth, and laughter and positivity, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk more shit about Ben Carson. I’m not big into Politics. It might seem like I am. I swear I’m not. But how can anyone pass up talking shit about straight up ignorance?

You all hear about the story of him saying he took a class at Yale called “Perceptions 301” where his professor came in, said all the final exams burned and that the students would need to retake it. Everyone walked out except for him and his professor congratulated him, claiming the burning of exams was a hoax and that he was looking for the most honest student in the class. His professor then gave him ten dollars. Someone for the Yale Daily took his picture.

There was no such picture ever found and no class listed as “Perceptions 301” during his years at Yale.

If I were Yale at this point, with their long list of ignorant politicians as “graduates”, I’d stop admitting they even attended. I mean it’s just embarrassing at this point. It’s bad enough Ivy League’s just take people’s money and admit students . . . you’re not even sending them out as good people, they’re getting worse if anything. Spoiled brats.

You all ever read words by the Harvard president? That guy is a moron. I read an essay from a Harvard professor who went deep into detail about the corruption in Ivy Leagues and how depressing it is. When I find it again, I’ll go into better detail.

So my point is, Yale, You already got a bad rap. I’d stay away from aspiring politicians.

Anyway, it all goes back to the truth. Carson’s telling all this stories for the purpose of? Does he think it makes him look gallant and admirable? Does he think people are going to believe his bullshit when there are people hired to specifically background check these liars?

The funniest part there are probably still some people who still believe him.

This is what happens when you’re selfish. If he was thinking about the “people of America” or whoever they pretend to care about, there’d be no reason to lie, no reason to buff himself up, no reason to boast about Yale or money or anything. Instead, he’s running around like a chicken with his head cut off–or shoved up his ass, one or the other–and about to get shoved off a cliff by these investigating media junkies.

I’d recommend he contact a local individual diagnosed with Antisocial personality so he can learn how to lie and manipulate. Talk to a corporate executive or something. He can’t be a good politician without those skills.

I’m just trying to help. Watching anyone crash and burn is honestly very uncomfortable for me. I mean . . . the stupidity is so astounding that I don’t know what to do with my hands when I read his bullshit. I’ve slapped myself on accident because they just get so flustered and start waving around looking for something to hit.

I don’t think any black folks gunna be voting for Carson because he’s black. That’s a . . . that’s evident.

Bottom line ya’ll, focus on the truth.

Our country is just layers upon layers upon Donald Trumps hair, and we’re not going to survive much longer this way. It’s time to get controversial. Open your mouth, be loud, get angry. I do it all the time. Know when to be polite and when to defend yourself. And if you can’t defend yourself in your honor, defend yourself in everyone else’s honor.

I say we all rush the pentagon.

Too far? Yeah maybe a little too far.

At least get loud and angry. If enough of us do it, it’ll have to be listened to.