Christmas And The Internet

 

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Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate such things. Happy holidays to those who don’t, and happy Solstice to everyone. Yay, the sun is coming back.

I am now a proud owner of a ChromeBook.

I hated them when they first came out until I saw how useful it could be for school. Since my old laptop currefntly has two broken legs, a fractured wrist, and part of its brain is soft and squishy, I knew I’d need something a little more portable and practical than my 24in desktop. It’s 18 pounds. I refuse to be this person:

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I have a 10 inch, the size I wanted. It flips backwards with a touch screen to go into tablet mode and it’ll come in handy for my online class.

The irony of it all? I don’t have a stable internet connection. I just think it’s funny I get technology that relies on the internet I don’t have.

I’m using it to type this post and honestly I’m impressed with how smooth the keyboard is. Although the screen is smaller than your average laptop I can see things just as clearly. I don’t need giant screens.

One complaint I always had with my laptop was when I sat at desks in public places, I felt like everyone was staring at my screen. Not the people who glance and walk past, but like people set up chairs behind me just to watch.

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Exactly Like This

With this thing I can at least block the screen.

Hackers. They’re all hackers, I swear.

Enough paranoia. Here’s why you should get a Chromebook for this coming semester/quarter/year/for your kid you don’t want to buy a 500 dollar laptop for.

And that’s my main goal: it’s much cheaper. You don’t need to buy all the subscriptions that come with laptops. Do you remember the days you could walk into an electronic store and buy a computer pre-loaded with Microsoft office? Remember when you had to put a product key in your office account within thirty days before it expired so you could use word? Remember when you didn’t have to pay for annual subscriptions? Remember when things made fucking sense?

I don’t like that they raised the price on the electronics, took everything important off them, and then still make you buy subscriptions. I think it’s a joke, it’s a scam, and if I don’t need it for work purposes or school purposes, there’s no way in hell I’m going to pay 600$ for something worth 200.

I don’t care if I put the dollar sign on the wrong side. I type it how I say it. Six Hundred Dollars.

 

hqdefault2Why complain about not having Microsoft word installed on a Chromebook when there’s a little thing called Word Online. If you didn’t know, now you know. It’s not as fucking horrible as Google Docs and you can basically do everything word does, except for free. And save it online. Where it will never be a corrupted file. It might get stolen by internet hackers but dude, no one wants your fucking history notes.

If you have a dropbox, it’s even easier to transfer and edit documents online with Microsoft Word for free. 

Have kids? Have 12 year olds? Don’t want them watching a lot of porn? Get a Chromebook.

Have kids who like to play video games on their computer instead of doing homework? Get a Chromebook. Bitches won’t be playin’ no games. Not unless they can handle some serious lag.

Don’t think your ten year old needs electronics to live by? Already mad your brother bought her an Iphone? Does she need to be on Google Classroom for her school because apparently that’s a thing now? Get her a Chromebook. There’s an app for that.

6a00e5536443eb88330147e384504b970bWhy do little kids have Iphones? Don’t give me that “they need a way to get in contact with me” bullshit. Listen. When I was eleven we were homeless and lived in a different town–same county, different town. I went to school in my home town area and often had to walk places to meet my parents to pick me up or went to friends houses until I could get picked up. They bought me a phone so I could stay in contact with them. Sure, this was before fancy touch screens but I didn’t get no Motorola Razor, I got a prepaid cell phone where you had to buy minute cards from Valero.

Because that’s what you give to fucking kids. Phones that aren’t going to make deficits in their attention when they’re in high school.

“My kid is going to be made fun of if they don’t have a phone!”

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Just . . . shut . . . shut the fuck up and get off Earth. Get. Off. Don’t come back until you get a new brain.

Do people not realize what frame rates do to developing brains? You’re teaching them to multitask and not in a good way–too many fast things. Even I notice a difference in myself compared to people barely ten years older than me. I’m jumping around from topic to topic, I’m doing about ten different things on three different devices at once.

Imagine that in your thirteen year old, but ten times worse.

Whatever.

See, I went on a whole tangent and I was talking about fucking Chromebooks.

best-samsung-chromebook-2-11-inch-laptopChromebooks are slim and easily portable.

They take care of all your school needs without any subscriptions.

No, they will not be powerful like your laptop, so don’t post an online review complaining about it. If you don’t understand the specifications of 2ghz and such when you’re reading about them, either do some research or don’t buy it. Don’t consider it a bad product because you’re a fucking idiot.

Taking online classes? Perfect. That’s what I wanted mine for.

Easy access to dropbox/cloud documents. Edit and share documents anywhere.

Eye hackers who gawk at your screen will have to squint and that will give you time to block your screen and whip your head around at them and hiss.

There are some Chromebooks the size of laptops, but . . . that kind of defeats the purpose. Unless you need larger print and webpages for visual reasons.

If you go to school, these are a must. If you don’t think your child needs a piece of high tech technology (you’re absolutely right), this is the perfect beginning device for them. Don’t want them on it all night? Turn off the internet.

maxresdefault2There are simple ways to keep your kids from getting addicted to technology. You just have to be smart about how you buy. Chromebooks are stylish and cute so your kid won’t be made fun of, if you’re one of those superficial people, but they also keep their focus directed on one thing. And like I said, just turn off the modem if you don’t want them on it. They won’t be able to do jack shit.

That’s supposedly a lot of complaints is that it only runs on the internet but think about it . . .what do you do when you get on your desktop? Laptop? Probably Facebook. So . . . what are you complaining about?

Perfect for school. Need to save a bunch of pictures and documents and shit like that? Well, save up your money and buy a laptop. Need something cheaper and more practical because you’re a broke college student eating Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Get a Chromebook.

Mine resembles a Macbook. So I mean, fool your friends.

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Except that it says Asus.

So I mean . . .

Fool people for .1 second.

Hope everyone is finding some way to enjoy their holidays.

Shout Out to all the ten year olds with Iphones this Christmas. Congratulations, your high school years will be hell when you realize books don’t have apps built into the pages.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree . . . Yo Lights Be Fucked Up Doe

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I guess I’ll jump on the band wagon. It’s rude not too, right?

Happy holidays, Merry Christmas–it’s getting close to Kwanzaa so happy early Kwanzaa and for those who celebrate Hanukkah, sorry I didn’t wish it earlier because I know it ended on the 14th, so Happy late Hanukkah. Just in case any of my followers are Jewish or African.

There’s probably so many more holidays, so happy every celebration ever to all cultures, even the ones content in the mountains void of Wifi and television and plumbing and Old Navy.

winter-solstice-greetings-cardsYo, happy Winter Solstice.

Is that a thing we wish? Happy Winter Solstice? It should be.

I guess this is why people say “happy holidays”.

People who say Happy Christmas make me giggle. To an American ear used to hearing “Merry”, “Happy” just sounds weird.

Holidays are usually rocky at my house. If you’re used to fighting and rampant alcoholism and drunken arguments and just a general dullness over the whole “holiday spirit” thing, just know you’re not alone. I prefer my holidays to be calm and boring. Presents are nice, chocolate are nice, but I don’t go out of my way to make people happy because it’s the holidays. Do that everyday.

If you’re used to giant parties and huge family get-togethers and wonderful time with the ones you love, I wish you all the best. I wish you days filled with happiness and peace and joy. Thank you to the people who kindly donated presents for kids in foster care and kids too poor to get jack shit (one holiday last year or the year before I got shampoo. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything, not being as broke as we were). Thank you to the people sending out your wishes to people who don’t have what you have, to all the kids with Cancer and terminal illness who might be experiencing their last Holiday season right now, to all the adults with Cancer and terminal illness who might be experiencing their last Holiday season as well.

Thank you for people who have the time and money to donate to hospitals and services that treat these kind of people since, you know, the government and other billionaires don’t give two shits.

amazon-smile-logoIf you haven’t already, sign up for smile.amazon.com if you shop online often. It doesn’t send very much of your money to the charities of your choosing, but it sends a little bit and every little bit counts. Hopefully this isn’t like Jared from Subway’s scam he had with the charities who just stole all the money. Hopefully Amazon is true to their word because I’ve been signed up for a year and spent ample amounts of money. I regret that I didn’t do with this last purchase.

Apparently a woman in my area got kicked out of a house she rented three or so months ago. Her son has Cerebral Palsy and requires medical equipment on the daily, particularly a breathing machine to help clear his lungs. They were living on a camp ground for a while and running it off a generator but some assholes in the camp ground were complaining about the noise the generator made (like seriously? Grow the fuck up. Get some ear plugs, the kid will die without that shit. People are complete idiots.) and the park rangers had to kick them out. A family looking to rent a vacation rental in my town heard of the woman, bought a house, and now rents it to her for a very low rate and told her she can live there as long as she wishes.

Beautiful holiday story, right?

I wonder if it wasn’t the holidays, if these people would have done that?

It’s conflicting feelings I get during these seasons. It seems everyone is happy and willing to give–it’s called the season of giving, right? Why? Why is that a season? Just do it every day. I don’t understand why that’s so hard.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

But people are more likely to stop and help you with your car on the side of the road during the holidays than they are during “off-season”.

maxresdefault1That seems like a disconnect to me. Seems like people aren’t thinking clearly. It’s kind of like The Purge: get all of your giving and joy and happiness and kindness out within the next month so we can go back to living like assholes for another eleven months.

I know, I know, positivity down the drain. It’s not that I don’t get in the spirit completely–I like smiling at people and saying happy holidays and watching them smile back like I just gave them the greatest gift in the world. I like the everyone who can visit their family, visits their family and makes the best out of whatever situation they have to. It’s a nice feeling in the air. It’s a stressed feeling, but there are little pockets of joy too and those pockets are my favorite.

But that shit ain’t going to last, let’s be honest.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have to not last with you, however. This New Year, try and keep the holiday spirit going not for the sake of the holidays but for the sake of everyone. Ask if someone needs help when they’re broken down on the side of the road. Don’t text and drive with your kids in the car (dumb people everywhere, I’m telling you).

134339-always-help-someoneIf you see something you can help with–well fucking help! Shit! The guy who drops the two boxes of chocolate bunnies in the market? Get your ass on the floor and help him pick them up. It shouldn’t even be an afterthought. It shouldn’t be because everyone else it doing it. It should be because he needs help.

Smile at the people who pass you on the sidewalk. It might be all they need. I’ve lugged this body around in depression during the day and one person smiles at me and I force a smile back and just that little moment of connection makes me feel apart of something again.

Say hello.

Wave.

When you cross the street, thank the driver who stopped for you. Even if they’re the last car on the road and they were fucking stupid.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, smile at them. This is advice I need to take. My road rage is a monster.

Don’t be nice because it’s polite to be nice. Be nice because you want to be nice, be nice because you may not know the person you’re interacting with. Maybe they were planning on shooting themselves in the head that night and your little joke and thirty second conversation with them made them rethink their decision.

I have social anxiety and I still find ways to try and be kind to strangers. Sometimes I come off rude because my anxiety makes me absent but I try my best. People don’t see that, but I do.

Being kind isn’t an obligation. It’s not about making yourself feel better–although for some people it is. But in reality it’s common decency and respect and it connects you with other humans. That’s something people are supposed to want . . .  right?

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I wouldn’t know.

My point is, why only be that connected to people during the holidays? Doesn’t that seem a little odd?

I do know through all my anger and depression and anxiety and panic and insomnia and fatigue and fear of failure and fear of success and weird fantasy worlds and characters in my head and all that good, yummy stuff, that giant mental goulash sloshing around in my brain, that I like making people smile. I like making them laugh and enjoy what they have around them. I like helping them even if they aren’t appreciative. I don’t do it to make myself look good–who the hell would notice anyway? I don’t know anyone to spread my good deeds on Facebook and make me sound like a saint–I don’t do it to please my parents or my friends or anyone really. I just do it because that’s what I do.

I might not have a job right now. I might look like a loser and a wimp and a straight up pussy. I might seem like a seven year old trapped in a 20 year old’s body. I might even just seem plain dumb. But I’m happy with myself and I’m happy with how I’m learning to treat others. Everyone else’s opinion of me can, quite honestly, fuck right off.

Remember: the holidays are a time for warm treats and hugs and songs and family. So is the rest of the year.