Psychosis, the poem

Under the tree that whistles

lies a sharp and pointed thistle,

that pokes and prods

whenever I intend to leave this little spot under the whistling tree.

A bunny hops,

with four eyes and two legs,

and I poke it with a peg,

to shoo it away.

I hear you call my name

as a hundred others do,

and I hear curses whispered,

apparently from me to you.

They say I’ve infected you, injected you,

and I must run away;

there’s no time for play under this whistling tree today.

They get louder and louder and I don’t know what to do

so I get up and run, I run right past you.

I’m in danger, can’t you see?

My shadow senses it and bolts ahead of me,

leaving me unprotected.

I stop and shiver, cry and quiver,

as I lose myself within the night.

There’s no coming back and you’ve gone,

I’ve gone,

and the whistling tree seeks revenge.

I go roughly into that good night,

beaten and scarred,

feathered and tarred,

and you are there beneath the whistling tree with angel wings

out of my reach.

I lay on the ground beneath the spotlight

curled with my knees to my chest,

my best defense

against the dark arts.

You fly to heaven and I am alone, truly alone,

comforted by the whistling tree.

 

I think what’s ironic about this poem is that, to me, my experience with psychosis has been poetry. It’s been a beautiful, terrifying, cold dance with the devil who is, as he is in the Bible, an angel.

Happy Anniversary

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Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary on WordPress, according to WordPress. I’d like to take a look through all the crazy shit that’s been posted on this site for the last three years. Let’s start at the beginning.

I think one of my favorite posts from 2015 has got to be when I compared Neurological disorders and diseases to mental health issues, because there’s this weird idea going around that mental health issues are “diseases”. There was an article I came across trying to convince people that all mental health issues are also neurological diseases and disorders. And I, well, had a field day with that. You can read it here. And if you’re curious about this subject, there’s more on it here.

My greatest issue with that debate is that there hasn’t been an ounce of verifiable, or valid biological evidence that mental health issues are one hundred percent, well, biological. The majority of the research done on people struggling are done after they’ve been taking psychiatric medication for years. And the genetic component in relation to mental health issues are grossly exaggerated, especially considering the new research out that shows genetics contribute loosely to our health when considered to environmental factors.

I’m not one to argue all psychiatric research is false, I believe genes do play a very, very small roll. But I’m also aware that a lot of research is biased, and the results are manipulated to sound good for the public and the FDA. The truth will come out.

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In 2016 I continued my rants. A good piece of memorabilia from then would certainly be the post I did on IPS (Intentional Peer Support) the first time I took the training for my current job. You can read about IPS here. This training humbled me as a person, as a mental health consumer, and as a mental health worker. This was the beginning of my transformation from lonely, depressed, arrogant, and hopeless to whatever it is I am now. I’m certainly happier, I’m not arrogant, and I’ve got a lot of hope for my future. I owe this attitude adjustment, in part, to peer support and IPS, certainly.

In 2017 I wrote a lot about my job, and how it was changing me, humbling me, how much I respected the people I worked with, and how I was published on Mad in America. One of my favorite posts that I wrote back then was about when I found out what was really in my food. You can read that here. It’s about science, Popsicles and what I thought was in those Popsicles.

If you’re new to this blog, or you haven’t read it in a while, I’d suggest getting the back story on why it’s taken me so long to get back into the writing mode. I’m going to start posting creative writings on here more often, just little blurbs of creativity that can get the brain stirring and maybe some philosophical juices flowing in all of us.

pirates_ship_logoI have an account on Booksie that you can check out here, under the name Impulsively Penned. Most of the things I write are rather impulsive, and most of them are penned upon paper and then typed into a computer, so I figured the name suited me well. You’ll find short stories, some poems, a one-act play I wrote in a fiction class a few years ago, and even an excerpt from a novel I’ve been working on–the very beginning of it at least. I’m always looking for new readers with new opinions and constructive criticisms, so I fully welcome you to visit and leave comments there, or visit here and leave comments here. It would be great to get some new perspectives.

Wishing everyone well.