Anyone?

I’ve a question for all of you out there who are fellow sufferers of what is commonly called “intrusive thoughts”. In fact, I have several questions.

What I hear most commonly around intrusive thoughts is their connection to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. From my understanding, on a clinical standpoint, those intrusive thoughts are usually repeated and have a resulting compulsion. Correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t have any real connection personally to OCD, so if the experience is completely different please feel free to blast me in the comments below.

Or just politely explain it. Whichever you prefer. The last time I was offended by someone’s comment on the internet, T-Rex’s roamed the earth. And yes, I’m that old. No wrinkles. Want the secret to my everlasting youth? Stay turned until the end of this article.

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What was I talking about?

Intrusive thoughts. Yes. Yes. Another way I’ve heard them described is thoughts that come out of no where and invade your brain space and fill it up until it feels like it’s about to burst. Usually that get’s explained by someone’s anxiety and worries or brought on by stress.

I’ve experienced intrusive-like thoughts throughout the majority of my life, as well as intrusive images? Does anyone else go through that? Most of the images I see either appear in front of my eyes or on the back of my eyelids when I blink or close my eyes. They’re not pleasant. Usually gruesome images of demon babies, demons, mangled corpses, skeletons, e.t.c. I don’t know where the depictions are coming from?

(# Government satellites circling the earth transmitting messages to my brain).

Anyway, most people’s intrusive thoughts are spoken with the dialect and accent of the voice in their head–you know, the little guy who chills with you everywhere, who you hear-think when you’re reading a book silently, the one school helped you develop by forcing you to read silently rather than out loud. Mine have never been in that voice. Anyone else experience this?

Mine have developed into other people’s voices, that’s how I can distinguish the thoughts provoked my anxiety (in my own voice) and the ones that seemingly develop from thin air (in other voices).

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, because I’ve been reading more and more posts about anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and voices. I believe these are a result of stress and different anxieties, but are expressed as something completely unrelated.

For example, when I first got my kitten, I posted all the lovely pictures of her and how much fun she is. I did not mention that as I watched her play on the ground, this thought person told me I should snap her neck. I should step on her. I should throw her in front of a car.

I’m used to having stupid thoughts about stupid things in some other stupid voice. I might be thought-told to murder someone or run over a biker while I’m driving, maybe even something as disturbing as violating a child.

They’re not repeated thoughts. They don’t make me avoid things. Compulsions don’t result. I don’t “worry” constantly I’ll become a murderer, because I’ve always been away of these thought-voices, I know what they suggest are pretty dumb and vile. They come and they go and I move on. Usually I’ll just remove myself from whatever situation I’m in (i.e, leave the room my kitten is in) and do something else.

My problem is finding someone else who totally gets what I’m saying. Someone who knows what I mean when I say “thought-voice”, in that it’s internal dialogue not in my “brain-voice”. I usually tell them to shut up if they start showing me images/memories I don’t want to see, or curse me out, e.t.c. It’s like there’s two other people living inside of my brain.

Sometimes it’s not frequent. Sometimes it’s very frequent. Sometimes I feel a little distant from things and once my brain settles down I feel like I’ve just woken up from a coma or something. Everything is clear again. I have a hard time remembering what went on in the last few days or weeks. I’ll remember things, but not well I guess I should say. What I remember very well is the feeling of being distant.

Can anyone relate? Leave a comment or email me if you don’t like personal things in a comment section.

For now, I’ll just go with my Government theory: they’re zapping our brains with specific plots of theirs, so that we develop into mass murders and then get sent to prison and then make millions of dollars for the prisons, e.t.c, e.t.c. And I’m a test subject. Cool.

Oh yeah, I haven’t developed wrinkles because I’m immortal. So, just get some immortality and you’ll be fine.

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6 thoughts on “Anyone?

  1. When I was a child I was bombarded with nightmares and such, but when they couldn’t have me they went away eventually. But this evil continued to oppress for many years until I had an encounter with The Risen Christ. Now I am free and victorious in life. Amazing. As for the governments conspiracy to kill and control, they too are driven and have succumbed to this evil I spoke of. It is real.

    Ephesians 6:12New King James Version (NKJV)

    12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

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  2. Well since I have OCD… *shows da paper* to be honest that doesn’t matter, people in general have intrusive thoughts, in one way or another. For me they are very annoying and triggering, but that’s because I let some of them get to me. I heard them with my voice, but I don’t think them myself do I make sense? It’s like someone else is speaking with the same tone my voice have… yep. And usually is talking shit about me, like I can’t do this or that well, it’s pretty annoying, like a resentful wifehouse. I can relate I guess lol

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  3. I have had all the same things happening to me and more than that. The intrusive thoughts in my mind force me to think things I don’t want to or introduce thoughts I’m not thinking about.
    I even spent a year in a half seeing mangled bodies of mostly babies everywhere, everyday. It was intense and torturous.

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    1. Yes, and it feels completely out of control. I’m always convinced they’re not mine, coming from somewhere else. It’s a long story. But that year and a half sounds more than torturous, I’m sorry you had to go through that. My hallucinations are more infrequent than others, if I do see something it’s usually a demon in the form of a human; sometimes I just see the human, other times I see the demon in the face of the human. I don’t really tell people this because I don’t like thinking about it, I think it brings them closer. But at any rate, I think it has a lot to do with my inherent mistrust of everything and everyone. I see everything as a threat, I always have since I was a child, and i feel that manifests into this reality where everyone, real or unreal, is out to get me. It’s easier for me to comprehend that than for someone to just say “you’re crazy” and then never talk to me about it because I’m crazy. -.- I hate that.

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    1. That sounds equally as terrifying. That must have been extremely hard, and confusing, especially coming out of it all. I’ve met a few people where I work coming out of an experience like that. Sometimes they’re still kind of in the grips of it, and they’re a lot of energy, and it can shake up the entire house, including us staff, so we all start feeling like we’re loosing ourselves. I know my manager has had personal experiences like that, way more than I have. But he’s 20 years my senior at least, he’s lived longer.

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