Rambling . . . Rambles

They have smart watches for kids now? Is that cute or fucking weird? Anyone?


Here, rather than monitoring our kid’s time on the tablet, let’s put a miniature one on their wrist so they never pay attention to anyone or anything in the outside world again, and then complain to a psychologist when our kid doesn’t pay attention in class! Yay! We’re SMART.

SmartWatches: Making Kids Smarterer. One watch at a time. 

ADHD is on the rise, remember? It’s not ever related to parents’ miscommunication with their children, or less activity in the day, or excessive technological usage, or complete and utter mis-diagnosis. Nope. These kids are SICK. Everyone panic! If they cough on you, you’ll get the ADHD!

Well, if anyone coughs on me I’ll punch them in their mouth because that’s called being rude. I don’t want your Ebola-ass, Polio-ass, non-vaccinated-ass, halitosis-stankin’-ass germs all over my skin. Makes me itchy just thinking about it.

I feel like verbally ripping some people to shreds. I wish Alex Gorsky were back in the news again, I would love ripping him a new one again. I could get political, but honestly I don’t care one ounce anymore about who wins this election. The only proposition I even feel like voting for is the one about making porn companies provide and require porn stars wear condoms. That’s literally all I care about this election year.

I spent another night in mental turmoil in my dreams with disembodied voices and then a bunch of arguing. If I have to go through this shit again tonight I’m probably going to go to work tomorrow slightly off my rocker. My eyelids will be twitching, my eyebrows will be different colors, my clothes won’t match, and I’ll speak in tongues and tell everyone the devil has control over me.

Yeah, that’s great. Go into a house where people feel the devil steals words from their head and claim you’re the devil. That’s helping the community. Great job. Much support. Wow.


My head is also throbbing and I’m being a class A procrastinator. I told myself after this blog post I will begin the horror that is the mountain of homework I’ve let build up because today I have a bit more energy and that’s a good thing. But these headaches have to go. I have a feeling these are related to the Effexor. If so, this shit is going to have to go. I feel I’ve had headaches steady every day for the last week .

What I don’t want is another SSRI. I don’t mind SNRI’s, this has actually been a much more pleasant experience; it’s even tamed my appetite. However, this one side effect of the headaches–Christ. I can’t take it. I can’t focus still, and with my head pounding I can’t focus even harder.

I also think I’ve been eating less. That might contribute as well. I just don’t find myself interested in that kind of activity unless it’s the end of the day and my stomach rumbles and I realize, well, shit. I’d rather kick ass in Syndicate than eat food.

Another dissatisfying side effect: twitches and teeth clenching. My boyfriend informed me the other night what when I sleep I’m twitching excessively. That could be due to fatigue, but it’s also a known side effect of Effexor. He said it was freaking him out a little. I wasn’t full on convulsing according to him, so it probably wasn’t some kind of freakish sleep seizure, but it might contribute to my restlessness during the night. If it continues to that extent, I should probably get a sleep study.


The teeth clenching bullshit started with Lexapro. It has not ended, even though I haven’t touched an SSRI for four years. But an SNRI is essentially a Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor, so serotonin is involved. I’ve noticed my teeth clenching has gotten significantly worse than usual. My gums are throbbing and my teeth are screaming and it takes my mouth and jaw being in pain for me to realize I’m clenching them. Then I have to open my mouth consciously and keep it open until I forget about it again and the teeth clench once more. Mouth guards are about forty to fifty dollars here. I don’t think so.

She gave me the option of antipsychotics but my reservations are strong. They are incredibly strong. They’re stronger than the bond between the world’s strongest magnet and the worlds smallest piece of metal.

She has reservations too. I could see them. She has reservations about what actually goes on in my brain. I felt myself rambling last month and I heard the things coming out of my mouth and I saw the look on her face, the look I once caught myself giving to people at work when I first started. It’s the look of clinical concern all psychologists and psychiatrist are trained to give when someone starts talking about unrealities.

Clinical concern versus genuine concern are two different things. With genuine concern you’re focused on the person. With clinical concern you’re flipping through the DSM in your head. I’ve experienced both. I lean more towards genuine concern after working at Second Story for the last five months. It helps build a connection much easier. Clinical concern gets you nowhere.

That being said, I could see her judging whether she should chalk up what I spoke about to anxiety or something else. She tried slipping the antipsychotics into my prescription print out for a reason, though. She TRIED. Very HARD. I’m not falling for it. The thing about someone who is always suspicious is that when it comes to people trying to control us, our automatic reaction is to push away. Sometimes that saves us.

I’ve been rambling and procrastinating for too long. In conclusion: smart watches for kids is fucking stupid, headaches hurt my brain, and anyone else who suggests antipsychotics can take a big load of Thorazine right up their ass.

I said something similar before I went to my last psychiatrist appointment, and somehow I walked out with three diagnoses and a prescription. This time I’ll probably walk out with a max dose of Haldol, a lobotomy and four more diagnoses’.

Much optimism. Great Positivity. Wow.


5 thoughts on “Rambling . . . Rambles”

  1. Yesss girl the twitching n headaches are all Effexor, I take them every AM now instead of PM but they still be doin that shit to me. And smart watches for kids? Stupid as all fucking hell. We might as well just put a god damn tracker in their arm n call it a day. Maybe then they’ll grow the hell up n go outside. 😂😂😂your only care about the election 😂😂 #fuckdonaldtrump but forreal #fuckclintontoo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fuuuck I’m over it to be honest. 100%. lol i know, I bet there’s an option to get a chip installed in your infant’s wrist after their born, like the option to circumcise boys lmao. I smell the future. XD The 8th is the day we all fuck ourselves lol

      Liked by 1 person

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