Your IQ and The MePhone


Am I the only one whose humor pitches a major tent while listening to black metal? I don’t know man, it must be something about their non-satanic, faux satanic hellish screams, clown make-up and fabricated foam horns they got from the runner up from last Season’s “Face Off” sticking out of their shoulder pads that get my funny bone throbbing.

I’m probably the only one.

After watching far too much Pyrocynical , I’m in the mood for some rich stupidity. Let’s get started, shall we?

*Just a note to all 2.5 of you Black Metal fans out there, at the moment I’m throbbing to “Hell Is For Children” by Vesania. Don’t know that song? Neither do I; it burst its way onto my iHeart Station.*

In fact, we’ll start this post with one of my pet peeves. Products related to and unrelated to Apple Inc. who put “i” in front of everything.

iheartradio-750x583Like iHeart. What the fuck does that even mean? Let’s really think about it from the perspective of the English language I’m sure we’re all masters of. Iheart is not a complete sentence. It’s not even a phrase or a fragment. It’s grammatical suicide and we all know how I feel about the nine year olds commenting on YouTube videos with “lyke if u cri evry tim”. I feel that’s where the inspiration for products labeled with “I” come from.

Yes, smart ass, I understand IHeart is a literal language translation of “I <3”. I also understand the point is to individualize the product, hence “IPhone”, or “IPad”. Yes, it’s your phone. I gathered that from the fact that you paid for it and you’re the one using it all the time. Does the name of the phone really need to tell me it’s yours? 

That must have been inspired by toddlers who have yet to understand the wonders of proper language. When you try to take their lolly from them, they screech “I lolly!” until they learn they should say “my lolly”.

The IPhone 7: the MePhone. Genius.


Then there are the intellectual leeches. The Stephen Hawking’s on the Einstein’s shoulders, like Bluetooth who sell shit like this:


Properly entitled the “Ihere”.

It finds your keys.



KEYS. That’s plural motherfucker, it should be the “We’re here”.

But maybe I’m just nitpicking. Let’s give all these companies the benefit of the doubt. They deserve it. Totally.

Speaking of intelligence, there’s nothing more stupid than people who waste their life trying to find cures for stupidity. Like those scientists who believe they’ve identified gene clusters in the brain connected to human intelligence.

By the way, they found it by examining brains of people who had neurosurgery for epilepsy. The article I read (which you can find here, but why would you want to without skimming my wonderful explanation of it?) did not express how they went about examining these brains, so I’d say it’s safe to assume during the surgeries they went prodding around with their scalpels until they found a soft spot or two.

tumblr_m1rp9yv4q61rs3p5uo1_1280The author jumps from talking about dissecting examining brains to the same mad scientists analyzing genes expressed in the brain and combining that data with genetic info from healthy people who were suckers enough to take an IQ test and from people with neurological disorders and intellectual disability. I’m assuming in that latter category some of these scientists were included.

The conclusion? Genes that influence intelligence in those so-called healthy people can cause significant problems neurologically if they mutate too much. Shocking.

I honestly thought that was already a well known fact.

“Like a football team made up of players in different positions”. That’s how the neurologist described how traits are governed by large groups of genes. So I’m going to take another wild guess and say the genes that govern intelligence in smart people crash head-first into each other less often than the genes that govern intelligence in not so smart people.

Although, these scientists are from Europe, maybe he was talking about non-american football and I just made myself sound like an idiot.



The point of all this are the implications of potential future findings. You know, let’s alter our brain power despite the fact that genes are incredibly complicated and turning on a part of one might make us grow antennas out of our asses. 

What would earth do with a bunch of smart people anyway?

Let’s think about what the people on this Earth with the highest IQ’s (we’re talking 190-300) are doing at this moment.

The guy with the estimated 250-300 IQ died in 1944 so I won’t defile his name. Very smug look in his photograph, though. He knows he’s smarter than the people who will look at his photograph in the future and call him smug.


The apparent media sensation in America, Christopher Langan just chills at home on his farm coming up with the Cognitive-Theoretic Model of the Universe. I have read portions of it (not all) and I’m not entirely impressed, but then again my IQ isn’t 210 is it?

Maybe it is. I never fell for that IQ bullshit though.

I did partially agree with what he said in 2001: science doesn’t consider anything real that can’t be detected and then measured. But you can’t technically measure a mathematical principal or detect one and yet they must be used for scientists to conduct their work. Therefore, people are using numbers to try and come up with information about a universe (most of which we can’t detect anyway) when numbers haven’t really been proven “real”.

Don't hold back...what do you really think?Disagree? I’m sure a lot of people do. It follows a pattern of logic though, so I’ll give him that much. It also requires you step outside of the realm of 2+2 and remember numbers are something man made up to help him make sense of the physical reality we experience.

And we only experience probably about 1 trillionth of what is out there. Perhaps more, but I can’t think of a number that I can spell larger than “trillion”.

The point, people, is that this guy sits around making up philosophical contradictions for math and publishing his thoughts on the influence of Consciousness in Quantum Mechanics and creating a foundation for gifted children.

Another guy retired at 30 and chills at his house doing smart people things.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting the world on these people’s shoulders, but you know, we could use some “gifted” people in office. Some smart people with a good ethical standing I should say. Help us integrate some logic back into society. I’m not quite sure what good the Cognitive-Theoretic Model of the Universe has really done anyone.

Regardless, there will always be someone smarter than someone else. Tampering with the genes that supposedly determine our level of intellect? I smell a government conspiracy coming on. 

As human beings who decided to establish laws to govern a society, we’re already racing for something. For reputation, for wealth, for the newest style, for the highest degree. Let’s not bring nature into this bullshit, please. Nature ain’t got time for that. It’s busy being useful.