How many New Year Resolution posts will there be? I’m predicting 38,298,438,247 of them.
Yes, I just pressed random numbers. Sue me.
I rarely do resolutions because I’m always reinventing plans as the year goes on. If I made a goal right now, chances are tomorrow I’m going to tweak it into something more manageable until it gets to the point where the original goal has been obliterated.
I will say the best thing 2015 brought me was this blog. It’s shed a lot of light on myself for myself and I’ve made connections with people who experience similar things to me–that’s a first. I’ve never had anyone be able to say “I understand” and actually mean it. So thank you to all of those people. You’ve been good to me and even though I may never know you in person, or ever talk to you again in my life, I’ll be eternally grateful. In just these last six months you’ve all helped me learn to accept my weirdness as a strength, as part of me, rather than an external weakness in need of evisceration.
And of course, thank you to all the people who just read and/or press the like button. I can’t forget about all of you, either. It’s nice knowing someone somewhere gains something from what I write, whether it’s “wow, I never thought of it that way” or “that shit was hilarious” or “what the fuck is she on?” or “that was a waste of time” or “hey, I can relate to her!“. Haters are welcome, lovers are welcome, and everyone who may have trouble processing emotions are welcome.
Haters are especially welcome. In fact, there’s a V.I.P section for you right over here. Right by the edge of that cliff, right there.
I’m just playin’. Ya’ll know I play.
This blog grew pretty rapidly, much more rapidly than I predicted, but honestly I don’t care about numbers. I think this era has ushered in an incredible way to communicate and reach out to others. Our computer screens and phone screens may be taxing our eyes, and the internet might be ruining our attention span but it’s almost worth it. I . . . I think?
Anyway, I have another Thank You. Screw talking about myself, I just did that in a different post. Thanks to everyone who comes on here and shares their experiences with me and the rest of the web. It takes courage to put out a part of you that you might not let others see very often, even when it’s just through a webpage. But it connects us all, it heals us all, and if you come from a place where negativity has always been a ruling factor in your life like I have, it shows us there are people who have come from that same place and made a positive out of it. It requires you have an open mind and are willing to listen to others opinions. That’s a great trait to develop if you haven’t already. I’m still working on mine. This blog has helped with that tremendously.
One of the thoughts that ran through my mind when I created this blog was if I want to work in the psychology industry later on down the line, I better understand people’s opinions of it from the outside. Real opinions, not textbook opinions. I better see people have had better experiences than me in the industry, and worst experiences than me in the industry. I wanted other’s opinions on what they have to live with, how they do it, and how they interpret their lives. I wanted to know if the term “mental illness” bogged people down, cut into their self-esteem.
I quickly learned with some people it does. It really, really does.
I learned some people prefer the term “disorder.”
Some people take “chemical imbalance” really seriously. Others see it from a psychological perspective rather than a biological one.
I also learned some people don’t give two shits about labels. I learned both of those opinions and feelings are valid and that in order to really understand the thoughts of others I have to place my opinion on the back-burner and just listen.
I learned some people feel they need medication. Some people feel they don’t. Some people were mistreated in hospitals, others are thankful that it saved their lives.
I learned some people feel intimidated by their doctors and their psychiatrists. I learned some people fall prey to believing because they’re doctors they have some inhuman ability to know exactly what’s right for you.
I learned some people can’t stand their doctors and argue with them all the time.
I learned these blogs are something I wished psychology professionals–particularly psychiatrists–skimmed through occasionally, especially if they’d never dealt with psychological problems within themselves. I wish they took the time to see how much suffering is actually there. It might make them more empathetic and understanding towards their own clients.
I learned there’s a lot of humanity empty from the industry compared to what I see people pour out of their hearts into these websites.
Anyone ever download the NAMI AIR app? It was a prototype and a clusterfuck. If you weren’t aware, “anti-psych” people talk a lot of shit about NAMI because of their affiliation with pharmaceutical companies. But the app was for chatting and getting immediate advice from your peers. It might still be in the app stores, I don’t know. I just thought I’d mention it because it’s another way to connect with people who go through the same things we do.
So I learned a lot these last six months and that’s the best thing about collaboration, right? You learn things. You develop a new understanding for your life and others lives and that’s invaluable.
That being said, I’ll probably make a few changes to this website. I feel like I’ve been drifting lately from my original goal of creating a place to both vent and provide information. It’s been a clusterfuck of rambles, rants, and weird shit.
I like the word clusterfuck, can you tell? That’s a good song by Tech N9ne, in case anyone was wondering. You probably weren’t. But whatever.
*MentalTruths: Giving You Unnecessary Factoids Since 2015*
You see what I’m talking about? My attention span man, it’s fucking terrible.
Anyway, changes . . . changes . . .
I read a lot of psychology articles and books and personal accounts and I love bringing them to people who may not follow them. I’ll probably have a separate page for the more informative-type posts. Because I want to bring them back, they’re important. I’ll always provide original sources in case you don’t want my sarcastic touch on the summaries. But these types of things are important for me and for you; how do you expect to be in charge of your recovery if you’re not educated at least a tiny bit about it? About the industry? About the types of therapy there are? About the different types of services you can receive? Sure you can google it yourself, but why not just skim past my blog and get a laugh at it while you do it?
I can’t market myself.
I . . .
I’m . . .
I’m horrible at that. Just read the shit.
I’ll probably add some photography, too. Because why have only one subject? That’s boring. I have to spice it up a bit. Pictures are nice to look at and maybe they’ll make one gloomy person crack a bit of a smile.
I don’t know. Half of this blog is for me, half of it is for you, and that’s just how I run my life.
I try to live for others as much as I live for myself. I’m part of the world, after all.
Happy New Year to you all. I hope through the struggles you encounter this year that you learn from them as much as you suffer from them. That’s the only way the pain will be worthwhile. There’s a lesson in everything. You just have to find it.
Life isn’t a fucking college classroom, okay? There ain’t no professor, there ain’t no “look at the board, students, this is why I’m making you solve those hard ass problems” kind of teacher with a lesson plan waiting to show you the step-by-step ropes to life in a three month long course.
How boring would that be, anyway?