Me And My Relationship With Life. . . It’s Long Distance.

Video games were my method of relaxation until I attempted Bloodborne.

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Want to gain the courage to smash the shit out of that black spider hiding in the corner of your room? Play ten minutes of Bloodborne, let the rage churn for a moment, grab your nearest shoe, and smash that little fucker into oblivion.

If I see this screen one more time: 

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I’m going to take to the streets and start sawing bitches in half with a real saw cleaver.

So I’m taking a break.

In wondering what I should post today, I realized I haven’t said much about myself on this blog. I’ve said a few things, relevant things to my other posts, but I tend to focus the attention on other things because talking about myself is weird.

I figured I’d take a moment to share 36 weird facts about me and my life.

But before I do: Happy New Year or some shit.

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  1. I don’t celebrate a lot of holidays. Once I stopped being twelve, the holidays got a lot less enjoyable. I like getting presents on Christmas, I like the chocolate on Easter, but that’s as celebratory as it gets.
  2. I’m tired a lot. I’m tired right now. It’s chronic and annoying.
  3. I eat proportionally. “The fuck does that mean?” I’m glad you asked. Say I have chicken and mashed potatoes and vegetables on my plate. If I take a bite of chicken I have to take a bite of potatoes and a bite of vegetables so that at the end I have one bite of each left. If I don’t want to eat a portion of the plate than I have to decide that very early on in the meal or else I get frustrated.
  4. When I was thirteen my friend and I decided we would burn down the school. I brought a lighter and we proceeded to burn dry leaves on the lawn hoping it would catch the grass on fire. I’m not in prison, so obviously it didn’t work.
  5.  I’m more aggressive than my anxiety makes me seem.
  6. like_a_bossI have weird obsessions with power. Whatever I do I have to be on top; I don’t like people having authority over me. 
  7. I’m more intimidated by my professors than I am a police officer.
  8. I brought beer to school when I was twelve, it exploded in the library, and the friends I was with snitched to the principal. No one ever expected the mute, socially challenged freak to get in trouble so I convinced the principal it was a joke and it wasn’t really beer. Even though, you know, it was all over their tables and the stench reverberated through the entire library. Even though, you know, there were over seven witnesses, two of which gave me scented lotion to hide the smell on my hands because I demanded they do so. Stunned children are easy to intimidate.
  9. I smoke way less weed than I used to. It kind of sucks.
  10. I forget often.
  11. I read high school level in third grade.
  12. I love books. NOT MYSTERY BOOKS.
  13. My attention span is a little longer than a goldfish’s.
  14. I skipped so many classes in high school it’s a wonder I even graduated.
  15. My social anxiety prevented me from learning basic math since I couldn’t ever ask questions. I didn’t learn until college. I don’t need Calculus for my major but I’m halfway done with the series now for personal satisfaction. I’ll probably go beyond it when I’m at my second university for the hell of it. Then I’ll go back to my algebra 2 teacher from high school and show him I’m not as stupid as he thought.
  16. I like patterns and routine. I don’t like surprises or last minute plans. Obviously.

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    You Have No Idea How Pleasing This Is To Look At
  17. If it wasn’t so rude to ignore people, I’d ignore people a lot more often.
  18. I hate the dark. I have to have my light on at night.
  19. I forget to eat.
  20. I have both Hypnogogic and Hypnopompic hallucinations (they happen either while you’re going to sleep or when you’re waking up) and have woken up during sleep paralysis. The sleep paralysis is more terrifying than the other shit.
  21. I often remember my dreams with great detail.
  22. I have olfactory hallucinations occasionally. The most frequent one is smelling wood smoke in the water of my shower. It used to make me think the neighbors were trying to burn us all to hell. Foods smell weird as shit to me sometimes. I’ve had vegetables and bread smell like really strong paint and fetal pig. That’s hard to eat. I dissected a fetal pig in junior high, I know that smell anywhere. nose2a
  23. I genuinely enjoy my alone time. 
  24. If I turn my back to my door while on my bed I feel like something is crawling on the floor towards me. Creepy.
  25. I’m a fan of sarcasm. 
  26. I hate the days when I’m feeling alright because that’s not going to last very long.
  27. When I was younger I was obsessed with cars and car brands, so I cut out every single car in a bunch of magazines and put them in a folder and memorized them. I made lists of the types of cars I saw. Now if we pass something and you say “damn, that was a nice car” you can count on me to tell you what kind it was and its year. Comes in handy when you can’t see out your tinted windows at night but you don’t want a cop to get behind you because your tags are expired. I recognize what kind of headlights go on what cars.
  28. My dream car is a 1967 Cadillac Coupe Deville. 1967_cadillac_coupe_deville_by_vampyyrinvalo-d2zikkf
  29. My current car is a 1999 Dodge Stratus.
  30. I listen to all types of music. I like traditional music from China, India, and Spain especially but also western Classical, like Piano music. I listen to Rap, Rock, Metal, “oldies”, and some pop. I don’t like mainstream artists of today: meaning fuck Taylor Swift, Drake, Lil Wayne, Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, Drake, all the “rappers” (I use that term VERY LOOSELY) who I can’t distinguish from each other when they come on the radio, Drake, and . . . Drake. I’m only mildly entertained by Fetty Wap, only because of his eye socket he shows off.
  31. Unlike Drake, I actually started from the bottom. I’m still there. For now.
  32. I like the weird way my brain operates.
  33.  Whether I become a psychiatrist or not, I want to be an advocate for mental health. I want to be part of organizations and foundations. Maybe start one. I want to be controversial in a good way. I want people to be able to enrich their lives through what I learned with my struggles.
  34. I don’t feel like myself when I talk to people. I have to embrace different personalities out in public. I’m only ever my true self when I’m alone.
  35. I don’t like saying certain things about myself out loud, particularly stuff that involves fantasy and the characters in my head or my issues with the dark or my thoughts on interconnections and signs. Saying them out loud makes them much too real and, in some cases, might ruin the fantasies I’ve built. As long as they don’t take over my rationality, I’m fine.
  36. I enjoy my privacy.

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There. 36 things you probably don’t give a shit to know about me, but that now you know.

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7 thoughts on “Me And My Relationship With Life. . . It’s Long Distance.

  1. Just so you know, that calming pattern picture creep the hell out of me :-D. All those patterns create big number of eyes staring from the screen :-D. And I like the points, I actually see myself in lot of them 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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