It Pays To Google


Want to know a good, basic trick for discount shopping this holiday season?

Then stay turned.

Or don’t. I’m sure tons of more experienced bloggers and writers have touched upon the same subject.

But you know, you’re already here.

Might as well just keep reading.

Look how far you’ve gotten already.

Do you like how I only put one sentence per line to make it feel like you’ve read a lot?

Anyway, if you prefer to¬†avoid the crowds and that disturbing, exhausting, and often unnecessary part of life called “human interaction” like I do, chances are you’re an online shopper. I’ve been one for a proud five years or so and I must say, it takes away much of the frustration associated with gift giving.

As someone with social anxiety disorder it’s often hard for me to get close to people. The friends who I’ve been friendly with for years have never received a gift from me for their birthday, Christmas, or any other “giving” day because, fuck dude, I don’t know what the hell to get them.

I have people I’ve known for nine years and if you put me in a store it’d 5741607799_worst_christmas_gifts_answer_1_xlargefeel like I was searching for a gift for someone I said hi to on the street that morning. I just don’t have close connections. I know it’s customary to give gifts, and I know it’s perceived as a little rude and disrespectful when you don’t, but that’s never my intention. I’m just honestly clueless.

I don’t want to buy something someone will hate. I don’t want to buy something they might like a little but then they fake how much they like it, because I’ll see it on their expression and I’ll know and I’ll forever feel like an imbecile.

Selfish, right?

Social anxiety can make you that way, if it’s severe enough. You’re so busy thinking about how you’re going to feel if you fuck up that it’s hard to put yourself in others shoes.

So I’m trying to be more “giving” this year. I’ll probably start giving gifts in the middle of the year just to be abnormal. I really do love the people I’m around, I don’t ever mean anyone any disrespect, and since people only seem to understand that in gift form or affection form (both of which I struggle with), I’ll have to step outside of my comfort zone, breathe, and try and remind myself it’s the thought that counts.

Anyway, shopping online makes things much easier. If I have an idea in

Snipped Amazon
Yes, I Would Like To Waste Money On All Of That

mind, Google ad’s might scan my thoughts and come up with something even better. They will forever advertise the computer I bought from Best Buy a few months ago on every website I ever click on. Amazon might make a suggestion and lead to the most perfect gift ever. Or I could just google an idea and boom there pops a million to get my creative juices flowing.

When I give a gift I have to personalize it. I have trouble buying items and wrapping them and just tossing it at people saying “eh, take this shit bro. I flushed thirty bucks down the drain for this”. So if I do buy an item online I must have the ability to 1) create something of my own to put on it or 2) have someone else create something from my idea to put on it. It’s just how it has to be. If I give multiple gifts, I don’t mind the majority of them being just plain old items but at least one must be personalized. It’s a rule of mine.

See, I just thought of something else amazing but I can’t tell you because if my boyfriend reads this it’ll ruin the surprise. Occasionally he’ll sneak on here and skim through it. If he ever comments, say hi.

But what do we all love during the holidays the most? Deals! There are some amazing ones. Black Friday does not count. Fifty dollars off a Playstation 4 is not worth pitching a tent in front of Hell (formally known as Best Buy) at 8pm Thanksgiving evening. Neither is seventy dollars off a Mac Book Pro.

The website I just came off tried charging me 107 bucks for this particular gift. I certainly didn’t mind paying it, but I’m the kind of person who needs the lowest price possible. I stared at the item in my “Cart” for ten minutes. Something was missing.


But what?

I clicked “edit” and made sure everything was how I wanted it and filled in the information again and then I saw it.

Promo codes.

Most people see them and figure, eh, well shit I don’t have any and they click order and pay the original price.

Never pay the original price. Ever.

That’s like paying sticker price for a new car. Don’t ever pay sticker price.

Say you want to make a mug for . . . your father for father’s day and you want to put a picture of you and him catching a giant bass on it. So you go to and you deck your shit out and you get to the checkout and that shit is fifty bucks. Then you start sweating. Fifty bucks on a mug? You fidget and you yank at your collar and you grab some ice water and dump it on your head because this shit is stressful.


Then you remember reading this magnificent blog post.

And you remember to google “Shutterfly Promo Codes December 2015” and there you see it.

All the nice, neat little promo codes lined up just waiting to be used and abused like proper whores.

Your price drops to 20 bucks and it’s an orgasmic moment for you.

Take a second and get your stamina back.

Then you realize you can google any website and put “promo codes -month, year-” and find a list.

What you might not realize is that some of the codes work and some of them don’t. So you’re a little disappointed that you can’t get a laptop from (formally known as for fifty bucks. But you can get ten percent off a phone case. That’s something.

It’s a little trick a learned a few years ago when I got sick of paying so much for shipping. Tonight my original cart price was about $107. The shipping was about 20 dollars (expedited) and the original product was $80. Tax was another ten. Or something.

Whatever, I just lost all my followers who are good at math.

Anyway my final price was $72.82 because fuck you.

Yes, that’s even less than the original product.

It pays to google.

It also rots your brain.

At least you’ll descend into cortex deterioration knowing you got a damn good price on that father’s day mug.