Let The Arguments Begin

biasincident

There are two things I’m going to cover in this post very blatantly and very truthfully:

  1. Culture Biases in the two schools I plan on spending the next five years of my life. 
  2. Addiction.

So Beware.

I’ll start with the first topic because I can be witty and lighthearted but very, very sardonic about it and that’s what I enjoy.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to register for Spring semester and so far the only class I’ve got is math. If you all want to know, I’m planning on transferring to Santa Clara University. I’ve been there a few times and the first time I absolutely hated it. It was small and weird and since I wasn’t yet sold on the idea of going into psychology I completely disregarded it and set my eyes on Stanford. However, Santa Clara has a pretty well off Psychobiology program (for people who are going into Psychiatry in medical school)  and I really liked what they had to offer the more research I did.

So while a community college can save you money, it can sometimes be a pain in the ass trying to satisfy both the community college class standards and the university standards. Right now I’m one class away from my degree at my current college (that fucking psychology research class) and I have five more to complete for Santa Clara.

Two of the categories I need classes in are “Cultures and Ideas” 2 & 3, and “Diversity”.

So I figure, hey, cool, I love taking diverse classes and learning about new classes.

Well, my options?

“Chicano History” and other Chicano related things.

Or:

“American History” and other American related things.

200_s

Where is the cultural diversity in that? Do I look Mexican American?

And here’s where people start calling me racist. I’ll wait for all of you to get it out of your system.

You done?

Good, now shut up and listen to reason for one second. If you have the audacity to claim the only thing diverse between the two schools is Chicano things and American things, then . . . you blind? Someone throw acid in your eyes? Take a crowbar to your face? There are all sorts of Asian histories at my college and not to mentioned my NATIVE AMERICAN LITERATURE CLASS, WHICH COUNTS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT SANTA CLARA, and yet the two major categories are Chicano and American? I get it. You’re catering towards the majority population without even knowing the numbers in the census.

You’re so smart.

Damn idiots.

I’m surprised the Middle eastern culture class counts. I’m really, really surprised.

Let me say something crystal clear. I fully understand how difficult it is for children in a home with parents who never had the chance to go to college, who had to risk their lives hauling ass into this dumb country over the Mexican-American border. BUT, here’s the thing: if you’re going to have separate graduations for those students in your fucking high schools, and you’re going to make programs in the college directed only at those students, you’re being a blind racist. You are.

I’ll just say there were an alright amount of black students in my high school. Not many, but enough. Were they ever encouraged to join the college prep class I was? No. In fact, they weren’t even encouraged to go to college or take AP classes. Why was I encouraged? No one knew what the hell I was! I was the only person out of twenty something students in that college prep class who was not of some kind of Latin descent. We watched Latin videos, we discussed Latin/Mexican programs and not once did I feel welcomed. We watched films in Spanish with horrible English subtitles. The Brown Berets came to speak with us to encourage their people. All our guest speakers? Latino/Latina/Mexican talking about hardships growing up as Latino/Latina/Mexican and the lack of education with their parents.

It’s not as if I haven’t felt disregarded as mixed race my entire life at all. No, no, it’s fine, really, ignore me. It’s cool.

I was so rare my English teacher for an honors class had to pull me into the BACK ROOM to make sure I WAS OKAY with READING BOOKS WITH BLACK PEOPLE IN IT.

for-gods-sake-o-s

At least she cared whether or not I was offended. But the rest of all my advanced class? White as fuck. White and wealthy, college graduate families.

I fucking get it. I do. I really do. But let me tell you something; my dad didn’t even graduate middle school. He was in poverty with seven other children and one mother. My mother didn’t grow up with a lot of money either (but is white and lived in a cheap city in the woods in Michigan) with five other children. My dad’s been drinking since he was 15. My mom dropped out of college and has been working all her life. Other races have issues to, and if you’re going to focus on only one, you’re being racist.

You want to have an ethnic graduation? Cool. Do it for every race in your high school. Want programs geared towards race? Cool, do it for every race in your school.  Or do the smart thing and have one graduation and respect everyone in front of everyone, and have a program that is geared towards everyone. It’s not rocket science. Didn’t these idiots go to college? Must not have been enough classes in DIVERSITY.

Now is the part where people really call me racist. Argue with me in the comment section below.

katt

The point is, I’m sick of being disrespected. I’m sick of it at home and I’m sick of it in the public eye. Someone from the south wrote into PsychCentral and said her family thinks interracial relationships are a MENTAL DISORDER and asked IF THERE WAS ANY VALIDITY TO THAT STATEMENT.

How far in the pits is the south? Are you guys in the depths of hell? What the fuck?

It’s blatant disrespect. Fuck racism. It’s disrespect.

My dad’s been angry all day and drinking all day. He’s been playing his music and getting in my mom’s face and it pisses me off and I get in the middle of it, I don’t give a shit. That’s DISRESPECT. He was sitting there screaming at us like we’re “making him out to be the bad guy” when we didn’t say shit about him drinking; he’s the one bringing it up, it’s burning in his conscience not ours.

Thinking of commenting  “there’s no use arguing with a drunk”?

Save your comments for my racism, I’m not an idiot, I’ve lived with this since I was born. He comes to us. And we ignore him and he keeps looking for a fight.

I also have a short temper. And I was getting pissed off because my mother just takes it and she works two jobs and gets up early every morning and doesn’t need this. So I told him we weren’t saying anything about him, and he started yelling and so I yelled over him and screamed “You know how many times we’ve saved your life and this is what you do to us?” And it felt good as fuck. It felt so good. And he got really angry then and ran after me and chased me into the bathroom and kept shoving me and I shoved him and he tried to punch me but slipped and fell because he’s drunk as fuck. My mom held him back and I shoved him backwards but submitted. I said okay, I’m not going to touch you, just get out of my face.

And I hate myself for it. I hate submitting. I hate submitting in the job environment, I hate submitting to Comcast and paying $19.95 for decent WiFi for a week, I hate submitting to anxiety, I hate submitting to depression which has oddly eluded me the last month or so. It must be up to something.

There were no marks on me so calling the police was useless. He’s on the lease of the apartment and you know what they’d do? They’d make us leave for the night. Fuck that. That’s just going to fuel his fucking ego.

Anyway:

I.

HATE.

SUBMISSION.

Submission

We’ve been looking at interventionists and we’re giving him two options: get residential treatment or leave. That’s it, that’s all.

It’s worth noting I’ve never hated or disliked my father. I hate his addiction, I hate his drinking. I’ll never forget all the horrible instances we’ve had but I’ll never forget the good ones either. We were always close.

I’ll always be saddened by the fact that his temper has been worse since those Grand Mal seizures forced him to wake up with short term memory loss and I’ll always be saddened by the fact that he did that to himself (he’s not epileptic) and I’ll always be saddened that he’s so stubborn and under the impression he can “do this on his own”. But I think it’s good to be sad and grieve healthily over those things because that means there was at least a few instances of happiness with him. I’m not numb. I just act like it.

Tonight has been another instance in hell. Damn, I just passed by the south, I should have said Hi.

Oh wait, I’m an interracial child and in an interracial relationship, they’ll probably try to lynch me or put me on a cotton plantation.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Let The Arguments Begin

  1. Alexandra

    I’m curious about what definition of racism you’re using in this post. People use the term “racism” in so many different ways. Why do you think that having programs geared toward a specific minority group is racist? I think it’s definitely questionable and unfair to only support one minority group and not other people of color in society, educational institutions, etc. Perhaps it is racist, if it’s based on the idea that black people are inferior to Latin/Mexican people or don’t deserve as many resources. I distinguish between racism as a theory, race-based decision-making, and race prejudice. But, I’m also still trying to figure it all out, research the history of the term “racism,” and form my own opinion. Anyway, interested in your perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. alucardeverlasting Post author

      Well I wouldn’t have a problem with it geared toward a minority group. Only problem is, they’re not the minority group in my town. Not according to the census. I just call it racism because I feel like any time you distinguish a gap between people based on their race and give them advantages so blatantly, it’s a type of racism. Like white privilege for example. I figure if people can make up B.S like Race, then I can define my own definition for it. At least that’s how I interpret the sociology of it. I just think they need to extend their services to a few more people. Even other students on campus have recently been complaining about feeling discriminated against.

      Like

      Reply

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