Truths

My Shopping Senses Are Tingling

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If there’s one thing sleep is good for, it’s repairing your rationality. If there’s one thing you lack when you don’t sleep, it’s rationality.

For the last few days I’ve been up until 6am and rather than sleeping the entire afternoon away, I wake up four or five hours later and toss and turn making attempts to fall back asleep. This is what I get for trying to regulate my sleeping schedule. My plan was that no matter how late I stayed up, I’d get my ass up early and stay awake throughout the day so I would be tired at night. It seemed foolproof.

Now I’m stuck in a cycle of staying up late, waking up early, and staying up late again. My plan must have had some holes in it.

When I get tired or I don’t sleep I start buying things. It’s like popping ecstasy in a club while you’re dancing. It just goes together. I bought and downloaded a few games which was only seven dollars because of sales on Steam, and then I opened a Yahoo browser on my phone and saw an article on Best Buy Black Friday sales.

That’s when my heart rate goes up and my face flushes and I think of money in my account and I know I need to save it to pay back my school–I know they’re going to conveniently charge me when I have no money, so I’m trying to save what I can besides basic necessities and a few Christmas presents. It’s a waiting game. Anyway, I saw a 32 inch television for a good deal, I saw some tablets for some good deals, and I laughed my ass off at the fact that people actually think fifty dollars off a MacBook Air is actually a deal.

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WOW! I SAVE SO MUCH MONEY

I almost bought that television. Thank God my wallet was across the room and I was too damn lazy to get up and get it. When I get that urge and I haven’t slept well, it’s almost a guarantee that I’m going to buy something I don’t need. If they would have had a playstation four for a few hundred dollars off, I probably would have bought both it and the television.

See, this is dumb. Not because of how much I hate corporate America (blah, blah, regular twenty year old dissatisfaction with society phase here, just bare with me for a few more years) but because I don’t have cable. The fuck am I going to do with a brand new television? I game on my PC more than I do my console. What the fuck would I do with a new television?

That’s what I kept telling my brain to rationalize ignoring the damn good deal.

Maybe it’s the deals I’m excited about. Maybe the fact that I’d save a hundred dollars is what gets my shopping senses tingling. Combine that with a brain numb from hours of lost sleep and it’s a disaster waiting to happen to your bank account.

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This Took Me Longer Than I’d Like To Admit

Usually I don’t go for the big things. Usually I obsess over little things and the “80%” off signs on Amazon on little trinkets and shit I’ll never use in my entire life (well, maybe for a day or two)  and then wind up with a whole box of them sitting in my room.

I also get a rush from checking the mail and waiting. It’s just so exciting. New things don’t come along this household very often, neither do exciting things that aren’t horrible after further examination, so I think I have a right to toss and turn in my sleep with a smile on my face knowing some stupid box will be waiting for me when I wake up.

Whatever I do, I do it extremely. My writing can get harsh and extreme because my opinions often are; if I go for a walk it has to be the farthest I can make it. If I’m depressed, I better be on the brink of suicide to the extreme. If I’m happy I better be bouncing off the walls ready to cure Ebola. If I set my eyes on something I want to buy, I have to search everywhere humanly possible for the best price and if I can’t find a reasonable one I’ll lurk in the corner until I do.

And I have to do everything very quickly. Before I’m finished with one thing, I’m on to the next thing or at least planning the next thing. I’ve got a whole bunch of little projects and things to save the world or change the world stuffed on a little shelf in the back of my mind, waiting until I have the energy to deal with them.

Like the people on Ebay who sat there and watched the camera I had my eyes set on. They watched it for days. I found it within five minutes of searching, checked the guys profile, and bought the shit. What you gunna sit there for days and watch it for? Did they not realize it was one of the best deals on Ebay for that type of DSLR? Did they not realize he had a “buy now” option?

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Whatever; more camera for me.

There’s a specific way to shop online. You learn to look for the accounts you can trust and once you mess up enough you’ll learn to trust your instincts. Obviously those people don’t know that yet. I only got screwed over once on a hundred and thirty dollar item that I didn’t spent enough time researching and I haven’t been fucked over since.

It doesn’t help that I’m one cocky mofo.

I don’t just shop fast, I think fast, I sleep fast, I walk fast, I eat fast, I have to be one step ahead of everyone, (perfection), or else I break down; I do everything fast. I try listening to Chopin (got to be one of my favorite pianists) and Walela to help calm myself down but I always end up switching the song to something like this:

And that, my friends, is why I scream and punch walls when my internet connection goes slower than your 99 year old grandmother with weights on her legs.

 

 

About AlishiaDee (372 Articles)
Alishia D. is a blogger, a beginning novelist, and a counselor at 2nd Story Peer Respite house where diagnostic labels and the culture of mental health is long forgotten. She's a mental health peer who has bounced through as many labels as she has doctors, and enjoys being sarcastic when she can. She also hates writing in 3rd person.

10 Comments on My Shopping Senses Are Tingling

  1. Wow! I get like that when I’m manic. When I want to spend money I just wait because I know I’ll lose interest in it and be on to something else eventually. It took a lot of self discipline to get to the point of waiting and not buying though!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think I have read my twins blog, lol. We are so much alike actually you are very much more outspoken than me, but that is the only difference!!! I seem to have a use and abuse me sign on my fucking forehead, and it gets read and used often!! All the other stuff having to walk fast, talk fast, eat fast, having a million idea’s about how to cure something, or how to make a million setting on the back shelfs of my mind, you think maybe if we collaborated we would actually put at least one each of our plans to actually good use, right now I am in need of serious money, paypal royally read the sign on my head and screwed me over, so I quit thinking there was no other way, but I found one and called and yes it will work I am among the eBay sellers once again. You hit it dead on about how to get what you want and not wait days, I never understood when I gave a buy now option they………….yes WAITED!!!!! You amaze me and I am honored to be able to read your blog, I know what my mind is going to be soaking up like a sponge for the next few days! Your blog every single Post!!! Wow you had me at the top of the page where it told about you, that is me, abused, sexually from 8 to 15 then from 17 to around 40!!!! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I know so used but it explains it better than anything I know, I am either in the bed for days or trying to get my sleeping habits right. I read a mans blog one time that said set up until you get sleepy the first night doesn’t matter if its 4AM then go to bed set the clock for the time you would like to wake everyday, say 8am, he said that he did after years of failing and it worked, so no matter how late he sets up he makes his self get up with the alarm, hence his body finally said I can’t take any more!!! I need sleep, now he goes to sleep at a hour between 10pm and 12pm and always wakes with the alarm at 6 am, so I do hope that helps. I will try it with you!!! Just let me know, I am new to blogging and doing to try and heal and repair years of damage, so i am all over the board right now any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you for the blog and your open honesty about yourself, I wish I were half as brave and just 1/3 as outspoken as you!!! I still do believe that I have met my twin!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I’m so glad you found some humor and had an ability to relate to what I say; hey, you never know, maybe we are twins haha! I’ve been trying that strategy you described from that other man’s blog: the one where you stay up as late as you do, then go to sleep and set an alarm for the next day to get up. I’ve been trying it for a few days so my body has not yet gotten to the point where it absolutely needs sleep haha. But hopefully it will get there! I agree, we both should try it and see how it works! I wish you the best for your blogging, it’s really addictive and it really helps you sort out your thoughts! I think you’ll be way more outspoken after you fall into the groove of blogging haha 🙂 I just have a loud mouth. 😀

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      • No you have the perfect way of speaking the way I dream of without fear and condemnation! Yes I do believe I will try also with you let know about your progress as will I. Mom really should have told me I had a twin that was stronger, I miss the things you could have taught me but it’s never to late!! As I will be spending a few days catching up on your blog! I received a gift tonight and I do cherish my gifts thank you!! Your amazing!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • For sure, we’ll keep each other updated! 🙂 And you’re right, it’s never too late, and I”m sure you can teach me things I’ve missed out on too haha. Thanks again for reading, and commenting, I really do appreciate it. I’m glad you felt such a connection.

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  3. Your welcome and they were well deserved comments, can’t wait to read more, so I will do a post myself which has been long in the waiting, seeing as I can’t seem to pull myself out of the bed on most days, and the computer looms looking at me as though its a monster ready to devour my soul, lol. I will conquer the fear of the monster and maybe even get a glimpse of how I have changed over the years by looking dead into the monster mirror, lol. Its very hard to teach yourself personal hygiene, makeup, hair curling (many burns lol) without the monster mirror, I do believe I may just conquer a few fears in this wonderful community I have found, wow, Its a whole new world to me. i may not have the words that are so amazingly fascinating to read, but as I said this is for me, I need to write down what is in my head, get it out of there onto a blog ha!!

    Liked by 1 person

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