My Shopping Senses Are Tingling


If there’s one thing sleep is good for, it’s repairing your rationality. If there’s one thing you lack when you don’t sleep, it’s rationality.

For the last few days I’ve been up until 6am and rather than sleeping the entire afternoon away, I wake up four or five hours later and toss and turn making attempts to fall back asleep. This is what I get for trying to regulate my sleeping schedule. My plan was that no matter how late I stayed up, I’d get my ass up early and stay awake throughout the day so I would be tired at night. It seemed foolproof.

Now I’m stuck in a cycle of staying up late, waking up early, and staying up late again. My plan must have had some holes in it.

When I get tired or I don’t sleep I start buying things. It’s like popping ecstasy in a club while you’re dancing. It just goes together. I bought and downloaded a few games which was only seven dollars because of sales on Steam, and then I opened a Yahoo browser on my phone and saw an article on Best Buy Black Friday sales.

That’s when my heart rate goes up and my face flushes and I think of money in my account and I know I need to save it to pay back my school–I know they’re going to conveniently charge me when I have no money, so I’m trying to save what I can besides basic necessities and a few Christmas presents. It’s a waiting game. Anyway, I saw a 32 inch television for a good deal, I saw some tablets for some good deals, and I laughed my ass off at the fact that people actually think fifty dollars off a MacBook Air is actually a deal.


I almost bought that television. Thank God my wallet was across the room and I was too damn lazy to get up and get it. When I get that urge and I haven’t slept well, it’s almost a guarantee that I’m going to buy something I don’t need. If they would have had a playstation four for a few hundred dollars off, I probably would have bought both it and the television.

See, this is dumb. Not because of how much I hate corporate America (blah, blah, regular twenty year old dissatisfaction with society phase here, just bare with me for a few more years) but because I don’t have cable. The fuck am I going to do with a brand new television? I game on my PC more than I do my console. What the fuck would I do with a new television?

That’s what I kept telling my brain to rationalize ignoring the damn good deal.

Maybe it’s the deals I’m excited about. Maybe the fact that I’d save a hundred dollars is what gets my shopping senses tingling. Combine that with a brain numb from hours of lost sleep and it’s a disaster waiting to happen to your bank account.

Spiderman for post
This Took Me Longer Than I’d Like To Admit

Usually I don’t go for the big things. Usually I obsess over little things and the “80%” off signs on Amazon on little trinkets and shit I’ll never use in my entire life (well, maybe for a day or two)  and then wind up with a whole box of them sitting in my room.

I also get a rush from checking the mail and waiting. It’s just so exciting. New things don’t come along this household very often, neither do exciting things that aren’t horrible after further examination, so I think I have a right to toss and turn in my sleep with a smile on my face knowing some stupid box will be waiting for me when I wake up.

Whatever I do, I do it extremely. My writing can get harsh and extreme because my opinions often are; if I go for a walk it has to be the farthest I can make it. If I’m depressed, I better be on the brink of suicide to the extreme. If I’m happy I better be bouncing off the walls ready to cure Ebola. If I set my eyes on something I want to buy, I have to search everywhere humanly possible for the best price and if I can’t find a reasonable one I’ll lurk in the corner until I do.

And I have to do everything very quickly. Before I’m finished with one thing, I’m on to the next thing or at least planning the next thing. I’ve got a whole bunch of little projects and things to save the world or change the world stuffed on a little shelf in the back of my mind, waiting until I have the energy to deal with them.

Like the people on Ebay who sat there and watched the camera I had my eyes set on. They watched it for days. I found it within five minutes of searching, checked the guys profile, and bought the shit. What you gunna sit there for days and watch it for? Did they not realize it was one of the best deals on Ebay for that type of DSLR? Did they not realize he had a “buy now” option?


Whatever; more camera for me.

There’s a specific way to shop online. You learn to look for the accounts you can trust and once you mess up enough you’ll learn to trust your instincts. Obviously those people don’t know that yet. I only got screwed over once on a hundred and thirty dollar item that I didn’t spent enough time researching and I haven’t been fucked over since.

It doesn’t help that I’m one cocky mofo.

I don’t just shop fast, I think fast, I sleep fast, I walk fast, I eat fast, I have to be one step ahead of everyone, (perfection), or else I break down; I do everything fast. I try listening to Chopin (got to be one of my favorite pianists) and Walela to help calm myself down but I always end up switching the song to something like this:

And that, my friends, is why I scream and punch walls when my internet connection goes slower than your 99 year old grandmother with weights on her legs.