LOL Thanksgiving


It’s always baffled me that people need an actual day to relax with each other, have a good meal, and figure out what they’re thankful for.

I mean, obviously they don’t need that day, but because we’ve decided it exists, some people use it as an excuse to call the old relatives they never call, invite over the people they never see, and finally go through a list of things they’re thankful for.

I remember when I was a little kid in elementary school, they made us write out the things we were thankful for as thanksgiving tradition-which is weird, considering they never told us any of the truths behind thanksgiving. Don’t give me that “kids are too young to know about violence and killing and genocide”; if you’re that worried about it, say something like ” a bunch of people came over here, tricked the Indians into thinking they were friendly, and then killed them”. I’ve read accounts of German members of society who learned about the Holocaust in detail in grade three and four. They know how to mend their history and they know how to respect their past. America sucks in that respect.

Anyway I’m not going to list what I’m thankful for, because I list what I’m thankful for every day. I think about all the things I have and all the things others don’t have and I don’t need a day of the year that was never even about thankfulness to tell me to be thankful. I don’t need a day of the year to eat a lot of food (I do that daily, too) and I don’t need a day of the year to get together with family.

I guess the Europeans were thankful the Natives taught them how to eat and survive. That’s about as close to a “thankful” thanksgiving we’re going to get.

So I don’t celebrate this holiday. “Holiday”. Not since I was in elementary school.


I know, I know, I work too much off logic and reason and not as much off of emotion sometimes. Logically and reasonably thanksgiving is pointless and a disgrace. Emotionally people cling to it as an excuse to show the world they’re not heartless, to show their family they still care, and to take a day off work.

Until, you know, they go back to work and scam a few people out of some money and kick the homeless guy on the street begging for money because they think all homeless people are lazy drug addicts.

Would you rather have someone beg you for money or coerce you for money? In other words, would you rather have a bunch of homeless people on your lawn or a bunch of ads on your phone tracking what you type into Google so it can send some more direct ads at you?

In this world you get both; it’s not really a choice. That was a joke.

I can be funny too.


The problem with saying “the day doesn’t matter, it’s just a time to celebrate what you’re thankful for and be with family” is that you’re ignoring a vital part of American history. Not history according to the United States government, but history according to all the native people stuck on poverty-stricken reservations with cards of their “blood quantum” in their wallets and elders who sit around and mourn about the old days on this twenty sixth of November. That’s how they celebrate this “holiday”.

It’s fine to take a day off and be happy; you really do deserve it. Just don’t lose sight of what you’re relaxing in the name of.

We obviously already have lost sight of it if people feel comfortable saying things like “the day doesn’t matter, it’s the holiday spirit”.

It’s like Christmas. Now don’t get me wrong; I love Christmas. All the chocolate and candy canes and warmth of the heater. But we all know it was Pagan holiday celebrating the winter solstice, right? We all know a lot of religious holidays were stolen from Pagan celebrations right? Because Pagans were deemed “evil”, right? And yet we ignore it. People who aren’t even religious hear the word Pagan and associate it with something bad; we just celebrate holidays for the sake of the celebration.

Sounds Absolutely Satanistic

It’s like reading the bible. I’ve read it; we read portions for one of my advanced English classes and I read it as a child and I even went to a church for a while with one of my friends to explore her lifestyle, her traditions, and the youth group she wanted me to come to. The people were so nice; I love them to death still. The preacher often scheduled trips for us and we went to things like Jelly Bean factories and arcades and had a shit ton of fun. I felt kind of bribed, but hey; I signed up for it.

She wanted me to be saved. I had no idea what that meant, so they explained it to me. I hope I don’t offend anyone of the Christian religion by saying that I went for it because I wanted to experience everything. They say you need to give your heart to Jesus Christ without really explaining what that means, so I figured it didn’t matter whether I did it under true conviction or not.

I’m a spiritual person and I must say, with all those serious people in the room I did feel a shift in the air and I did feel warm and very emotional and it was odd. Did that make me a believer in the Bible and their teachers? Fuck no! (Obviously). But it did solidify my spirituality–there is something out there in the universe that’s a mystery that we’re never going to understand from a book or writings or even oral stories; it’s something you feel and that’s the closest you’ll ever get to it. It’s in that moment we’re connected to each other and to nature and that’s all we really need. I’m fine with that.

So I did a lot of searching about the Bible and you know there are a lot of stories the church excludes, a lot of words Jesus said that they refused to put in the teachings, and religion has just become a weird cult designed to keep people under control.


So I got the hell out of there. I said thank you, I respected them, and I got the fuck on. I prefer to respect nature and give thanks to what’s here on earth and give thanks to the mystery of the universe rather than live my life according to a bunch of men who wrote a bunch of words a couple thousand years ago.

Love the call for peace and harmony and respect, but the majority of their people don’t follow their own rules so that kind of invalidates a large portion of the religion. Anyone who uses religion to disregard gays from the community and ignores the fact that animals in nature engage in homosexual activities just proves me right. I mean . . . there was research a long time ago in the forties or fifties I believe on elephants who researchers saw performing unconventional sexual acts on each other (male/male, female/female) and these idiots condemned the elephants and said they were going against God. It’s the people that ruin the meaning of spirituality, it really is.

Everyone believes in something. Whether it’s God, gods, spiritual beings, science, math, whatever.

But it’ll always be warped and twisted. Soon Easter is going to be about the giant three headed bunny demi-god who’s half human half jackrabbit who burrows under your house and steals your shoes at night. You’re supposed to leave him carrots and chocolate so he doesn’t kill you. And soon math and science will actually build that giant three headed bunny demi-god and use it as police patrol on the streets as a solution to the racial violence of today’s officers.

A beautiful future lies on the horizon.

I’d also like to congratulate science and Epigentics for finally catching up with Native traditional beliefs: yes, trauma and pain are passed down from generation to generation and yes physics, we all are interconnected. I’m glad you all finally found the proof you need to prove the well known belief right.