Truths

El Chapo, Toss Me A Lexapro

We’re never going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars if we only have $96 dollars out of 99 million. My mother and I were talking about starting an opposing GoFundMe fundraiser to keep him on mars. I mean . . . we have a lot of celebrities, what’s losing one? Hollywood is bubbling over the brim with weird robot stick people (what I call celebrities) who spend their life in front of a camera trying to defy aging. We seriously won’t miss one. #KeepDamonOnMars.

If I were a douche, I would start a GoFundMe like that, but I can’t knowingly take people’s money where people needing their cancer treatment paid need that money way more than I do. My friend’s sister used a FundMe page to pay for her treatment. I believe hers was 10k. I fight depression for my life and they fight cancer for their life–the only difference is I don’t need to take radiation drugs and undergo chemo. It doesn’t cost me money to fight my fight. Unless you count the money I lost because of my classes. But even then it’s minuscule compared to what they have to pay. And we all know insurance isn’t there to pay everything for you.

Do people just go around browsing GoFundMe and finding people to donate? I skimmed through it a couple times and saw an eighteen year old and her boyfriend getting kicked out of her parents house. She asked for $900 dollars and she got $9000. Now, can someone explain why the fuck people would give that much money to an 18 year old just because her parents kicked her out of the house? In that case, I’ll start punching walls and slewing curses at my parents so they’ll kick me out and I can get rich too. I didn’t know it was that easy!

Fuck off with that shit. People get kicked out all over the place, (go visit a ghetto, bitch) what makes her so special besides her pretty white face and blonde hair? I’ll make an identical account with similar words and see if I get $9000. Is GoFundMe a scam or something? Are people not really getting money for the dumb shit?

Money makes the world go ’round. Which is why I’m assuming these doctors are so obsessed with finding physical reason as absolute causes for mental disorders. Parasites in cats cause schizophrenia, inflammation of the brain causes schizophrenia, infection causes depression . . . so what do we do about that? Do we not own cats? I owned a cat as a child, in fact I was around several, I was probably exposed to the T. Gondii virus more than once. I know they say it “increases the risk” or whatever, but let’s be careful with all this bullshit. For one, i’m pretty sure your genes and environment are much more influential than a fucking cat. Secondly, America is a culture of fear. Everything is a risk. Everything has dire consequences. We aren’t told to avoid anything but we are told “if you do this, this bad thing will probably happen”. Our societies foundation is anxiety. If you screened the majority of the people in the united states, they’d probably have some symptoms of generalized anxiety. We’re stressed, we’re anxious, and when they can’t live up to societies standards and consequentially our own standards, it causes some mental turmoil.

Just know that life never set any standards for you. Life doesn’t care about your DD boob job or that nice new Tesla you’re driving or that you’re suicidal or all that money you donated to some charity or the foster home you run. We created good and bad, we seek pleasure out of life so fiercely because if we didn’t we’d have to own up to the fact that we just exist. Think about how less stressful life was if you were on an island, hunted for your food, sat around with your family and ate it. Maybe played on the beach until the sun set. Life just is and we just are.

We make existence very stressful, you know?

Search for the “beginning of the universe” all you want. I love reading your theories, science, but I laugh at each one of them. Even if you find something feasible you’ll never know if it’s right or not. That kind of theorizing is more of a hobby than a career to me. Hence why I’m not a theoretical physicist right now.

On the modern side of the spectrum, if they can find physical reasons for mental disorders . . . well all hail the drug lord. El Chapo is going to start negotiating fucking antidepressants and antibiotics and antipsychotics instead of cocaine and heroin. You’ll start reporting your symptoms to him, not your doctor. “Hey, Chapo buddy, I need some Seroquel and some Depakote man, and bill my insurance alright? See you next month. Don’t get thrown in prison while I’m gone.”

His Face When You Mention Prison

How much of a difference is there, anyway? What is the difference between the sick bond between Insurance Companies, Big Pharma, medical boards and El Chapo? They all deal drugs, they’d all be considered criminals if people exposed the scams–and hey, if corporations in America are considered people, they could all be locked in a prison cell for the remainder of their life.  

I read a quote by a woman who suspects depression results from infection. She said:

“The idea that depression is caused simply by changes in serotonin is not panning out. We need to think about other possible causes and treatments for psychiatric disorders.”

She’s right: the idea that depression is caused by serotonin changes is pretty vague. We do need other treatments. Does that mean we need to find a biological cause to treat it? I think that’s about as stupid as believing a shift in serotonin is the absolute cause of your depression.

They’re always trying to find a cure: and for good reason. We as a culture demand quick fixes. Don’t take twenty minutes to cook my delicious, fresh, hamburger hot on the grill, I want a fast one that’s been sitting in the freezer for three years and heated up in a microwave then set under a lamp.

We try to cure things that are “wrong”. And if you believe that something is wrong with you because you suffer with mental health issues, then I could see why you’d want a “cure”. Why you’d want someone to “fix it” for you.

But what if you change how you see yourself? What if you see your struggles as just a part of you? Then it doesn’t become a need for a “cure” (how vague is that anyway?), it becomes a need to “cope”. And coping seems much more likely. When you break your knee you put it in a cast and you have to wheel around on a little scooter thing or use crutches. You’re coping, not curing. And when the bone fuses back, you still might end up with a limp so it’s never fully healed and yet you limp proudly. You cope.

When you get a gash in your skin do you think the fucking gash fairy flutters down from gash heaven and taps a wand to it and it heals? No, your body works like crazy to close that shit up so you don’t get infected. Everything it does is for you. It works hard to keep you healthy. You have to work hard to keep it healthy. It’s not a one way street here. There are no magic cures. There’s nothing wrong with you. Life is life, you are you.

El Chapo won’t be there for you forever.

About AlishiaDee (372 Articles)
Alishia D. is a blogger, a beginning novelist, and a counselor at 2nd Story Peer Respite house where diagnostic labels and the culture of mental health is long forgotten. She's a mental health peer who has bounced through as many labels as she has doctors, and enjoys being sarcastic when she can. She also hates writing in 3rd person.

5 Comments on El Chapo, Toss Me A Lexapro

  1. mentalbreakinprogress // October 26, 2015 at 3:42 pm // Reply

    Sounds like our brains are aligned today lol Hmm I bet if I started a “GoFundMe” age for having a mental illness I would get zip all…but yeah I’m moving back in with my mother…I’m going to have a fight we her until she kicks me out….fuck if I knew it was that easy I would be a millionaire by now! lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • haha, exactly. That would actually be an interesting experiment to start a page for having mental illness and see what kind of comments people put too. I wonder how many “wow, begging for money much?” comments there’d be. . .

      Liked by 1 person

      • mentalbreakinprogress // October 26, 2015 at 3:54 pm //

        lol yeah I predict comments like “sorry not funding your drug habit” or “sorry but I don’t pay for mass shootings” or “why don’t you just go kill yourself?”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A cure for mental illness. How very boring the world would be. I try to think of it as a house or a garden, with continual maintenance and upkeep.

    Liked by 1 person

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