Mary Jane

It’s funny how time flies when the entirety of your mind gets sucked into the relentless black hole that is the World Wide Web. Of course I would have been up until 6am on my phone or reading anyway, so what difference does it make whether I’m watching videos on my phone or watching videos on this thing?

Anyway, since I hate being alone and hate being in the dark and have no real reason to get up in the morning, I have officially reverted into old habits of staying up all night feeling dreadful–literally, I feel dread; something’s going to happen, somewhere, to me, to my family, whatever–and trying to curb that dread with the empty voices of people from YouTube. It’s almost equivalent to human companionship. I’m very particular about my YouTube videos at night–they can’t be animations or anything where a living person is not shown talking. Yes, I’m substituting their company for the company of others because I really, really hate the dark.

I’m more active at night anyway, I always have been. My anxiety didn’t always used to kick up at night, but it does now (for the last few years) so I adapt and manipulate it to the best of my abilities. Besides checking around this giant screen ever few minutes to make sure someone isn’t staring at me or freaking out when I hear someone close the bathroom door, I pretty much just sit here for hours upon hours.

What do I watch, you may ask? Well, good question!

I don’t care if you don’t care, I’m going to tell you anyway.

At night I’m a sucker for “reality” shows, especially the ones on TLC documenting the people over 600 pounds who get weight loss surgery in hopes to reclaim their life. To be honest it gets me fired up to try and exercise. I never do of course, but at least it gets me fired up to do it eventually.

She Had One Of The Worst Attitudes

Some of them have really bad attitudes. I mean, this doctor from Albania or wherever the fuck Dr Nowzardan is from, just jabbed your giant ass stomach with four prong thingys, reattached your cut stomach to your intestine, and performed life threatening surgery on you . . . and you’re not even going to try and walk? Do you not understand what the fuck a blood clot is? It will kill you. I had a friend who, when we were nineteen, died in her sleep from a pulmonary embolism. We hadn’t been in contact for two or three years but she had always been overweight severely (I think she had thyroid problems). So you don’t fuck with blood clots, they’ll take you out quicker than you can blink.

Then you have the people who are obviously addicted to food. I suppose they all are, but some overcome it by motivation and changed eating habits. Other people just say fuck you, shove a brownie down their pie hole and drink a huge ass soda and while they’re hurling in the toilet (Err, bedside bucket), they got a hot plate of cookies waiting for them made by their faithful spouse.

I remember when the show first came out. The first thing I said was “get these fuckers a counselor”. It took a while, but I noticed on the newer episodes they have. It’s just common sense. Have an addiction? There’s probably a reason you have an addiction. Talk to a counselor. Surgery doesn’t fix your brother molesting you when you were five.

Or whatever.

Then I watch Taboo. Anyone watch that? I fucking love it. Say what you want about cultures marrying their children to each other when they’re seven, their ceremonies are some of the most beautiful I’ve seen. The colors are vibrant, their dress is elegant; how do they get the pigment in their dye for their clothing so neon? These people live in fucking trees, they must have some natural way of doing it. No offense to people who love their traditional weddings here on the western so called “civilized” (don’t make me laugh) part of society, but black and white? Really? Reflect the mindset of our society much?

Then they have the culture somewhere in the middle east that recognizes five genders. That’s right–five: male, female, transgender man, transgender woman, and the fifth one which I can’t remember. They do ceremonies where all five genders come together and do these chant prayers. If all five genders aren’t represented, aren’t respected, and aren’t treated equally and blessed equally, then the world falls out of the balance. Why is this called taboo again? I don’t care if I have to wash my feet in fire ant spit or go halfway down the road for an outhouse, at least they’d accept me.

You know I watched the one about drugs. In India they have their ceremony where they celebrate the God Shiva and sit around and get fucking wrecked. Stoned. High as a kite. On Marijuana. It’s illegal the rest of the days, but for this event it’s legal and handed out for free. I would really like to witness this ceremony. Who is Shiva again? God of destruction? He can destroy and restore me all he wants as long as he tosses me a pipe. And it better be packed. I ain’t got no time to pack that shit on my own. I probably won’t have arms or hands anyway since he destroyed me and all.

They say westerners have gone crazy smoking it. Well of course we would, we have a certain mindset about drugs. With Marijuana we expect to feel high, maybe even a bit paranoid if you’re like me, and we expect for our consciousness to just be lifted. To them it’s not a matter of getting spacey and “feeling good” it’s about getting closer to Shiva and that’s what their high is. Of course we’d go crazy, we wouldn’t understand what’s going on. Not to mention their shit is straight out the ground. I mean people here be smoking “spice” and whatever, putting PCP in their joints–the fuck is wrong with ya’ll?

Another tribe in the mountains of Venezuela have their Shaman-to-be snort the fuck out of a hallucinogenic plant and then they sting him with ants all over his body. If he can endure the pain then it’s the first step into becoming a man who can harness the power to heal others. Shamans regularly snort this mind trip because it’s part of his healing powers. Now, I’m not going to argue with these people, I mean by now they probably have a doctorate in snorting hallucinogens, but because I’m in the western part of the world accustomed to western tradition where we view such things that induce psychotic-like states “crazy”, I was a little taken back. The first thing I associated hallucinating with was terrifying.

But it all depends on how you were raised. If you were somewhere in India and you start hearing the voice of God talking to you, commanding you how to live your life and telling you “Good job” or “I love you” or “you’re doing great” than your life’s functionality isn’t really going to be impaired. If you’re over here and hear the voice of God or whoever, they’re most likely going to tell you to do some heinous shit. They’ll degrade you and prompt you to kill yourself. Culture plays a bigger role than people think.

If you lived in this tribe you would have been around people snorting hallucinogens since you were a baby. You’d grow up understanding that that elixir was a way to contact the spirit world, to be outside of yourself and see life through the eyes of spirits. So by the time you’re in your mid-twenties or whatever and decide to be a shaman, and you snort that shit, you’re mentally prepared. When you float you’re connecting with the spirits. When you see things they’re not there to attack you but to lift you up and help you help others. That’s why this man sat there quietly after snorting and isn’t up running around screaming about spider monkeys tearing his flesh off.

Or whatever people hallucinate when they’re on that shit.

Westerners couldn’t handle it.

Then Taboo turns around and tries to convince me ecstasy is one of the most dangerous drugs. I switched to a different video. I don’t like people lying to me. Now, I’m not advocating the use of ecstasy, as my Biopsych professor said, but it’s really not that dangerous. The only thing I’d ever be concerned about is it’s control over your bodies temperature. That’s pretty damn dangerous. That’s why kids go into heat stroke in clubs after they take a large dose. Here’s a tip–don’t take something that interferes with your hypothalamus. Or your cerebellum. Or Medulla or pons. So basically don’t pop ecstasy and don’t drink loads of alcohol. If your medulla and pons craps out on you, you’re going to go into respiratory failure. There’s your major concern for alcohol poisoning. If you didn’t know, now you know.

Oh, also stay away from those other things. You know, the ones people put battery acid and coolant into.

Fuck man, you see people cooking that shit and you still take it? Who knowingly snorts battery acid into their nostrils? That’s how you know addiction is one powerful motherfucker.

We have a tendency to think because we grew up in a certain way, it’s the right way. I mean, America has a long history with that fucking problem (Manifest Destiny). It’s time to step outside of yourself and see the world reacts differently to everything. We all have our own beliefs, our own customers, and if human rights exist (which I’m iffy about; go ahead, rip me to shreds), then they would be solely the right to practice what you practice. Get off your high horse. Stop running into countries and telling them how to live. Get out of Africa. Get out of the middle east. Your stupid ass won’t be laughing when they finally get a solid footing and come over here and do that shit.

Stay happy. Stay healthy. Smoke Marijuana.