Sue Me, Please

If there are a lot of typos in this, feel free to spam my email about how disappointed you are in my writing. My eyes have gotten about four hours of sleep per night for the last week and they’re really feeling it. I’ll be sure to get back to your totally necessary message in about twenty years. If you’re the obsessive type, you can go ahead and count the days and send me another email in twenty years reminding me to respond.

Also a shout-out to any girls out there who go up the stairs really fucking slow behind their boyfriends. I swear. Some people woke up late and had to rush to class only to be thwarted by your slow, sensual walk–I don’t give a shit about how nice you can shake your ass, or about your stupid curled hair (mines natural bitch), or about how cute your laugh is. Walk up the stairs like a normal person, not a physically challenged snail.


I shush myself really often. I did it just now. Whenever my brain replays a memory I don’t feel like reliving, I shush it like I’m shushing a fussy toddler. It gets weird if I slip up and mutter or shush myself in class.You’d be surprised at the looks people give you when you talk to yourself as if they never do it themselves.

I shush myself in the same way I shush advertisements that tell me “mental disorders are on the rise” like they’re some kind of disease. Like it’s Ebola (remember, the cure is blended, liquefied money). Not only are they insinuating it’s a disease, but an infectious disease. Like if I sneeze, you’re going to catch depression. Oh shit, I just sneezed . . . there’s some depression in the air right now, hope no one walks into my room and catches it.

They’re finding new biological information about mental disorders every day (whether they truthfully present it to us or not is up for debate) and often times I hear people say “Bipolar Disease” or other such things, which bothers me a little. You don’t have dementia. Your neurofibers (that tangle when you age, naturally) aren’t strangling themselves like they are in someone with Alzheimer’s. We don’t call Alzheimer’s a mental disorder, we call it a disease because of the pathology, because of the physicality of it.

So of course that brings up the whole question of whether or not the brains of people accurately diagnosed with Bipolar (and other mental disorders alike) have something different in the structure of their brains and whether or not having something different in the structure requires a label of “disordered”. Is it disordered because average brains don’t work like that? Or is it disordered because it actually causes people distress? You think it doesn’t matter which definition your doctor or psychiatrist follows, but it does.

The thing that matters the most is whether or not you consider yourself disordered.

Of course they’ve found all sorts of physical links to Bipolar, schizophrenia, e.c.t., I’m not denying that. But do we have enough research, seriously, to claim with confidence they’re diseases? Think of what that word tells people: 1) mostly incurable 2) life-long 3) inevitable 4) you’re helpless to the disease.

You’re helpless to the disease. That’s not a healthy way of approaching a mental disorder or any mental health issues, whether we can medically classify them as a “disease” or not. If you think you’re helpless to your brain’s “wiring”, than you’re going to be. I mean, it’s very simple logic. If you think you can improve yourself, if you think you can overcome certain aspects, than you can. I still struggle like the rest of you, I get suicidal, I get anxious, I swing with my moods, but do I take it like “oh, I’m sick, it’s just going to happen, I’m sick, there’s something wrong with me.” No. I come up with some of the most brilliant writings in my depressions. I also get a lot of sleep which is something I’m lacking at this moment. On my positive days, I breeze through my work and almost cure Ebola. There’s so much more you feel and experience being someone with a “mental disorder”. Those are all positive things in my eyes. I don’t think it’s fair to say there’s something wrong with us.

When You develop Alzhiemer’s it doesn’t get better the older you get. That’s literally the exact opposite. Eventually, it will kill you. A lot of mental disorders and their symptoms settle down the older a person gets. Why? Who fucking knows, we don’t have enough research to know definitively. Ideas and possibilities are not enough to make a solid conclusion. So how close to a disease are mental disorders? Ehhhhh.

I do know that they’re not on the rise like a disease, that’s for sure. Doctors are just handing out disorders like fucking Oprah hands out cars: You get a Disorder! You get a Disorder! Everyone gets a Disorder! And now you clap and screech and reach under your seat for your disorder’s list of symptoms. Then you go home and pay the tax on your disorder because guess what, it wasn’t entirely free.

Anyone else think it’s a coincidence in the same span of time studies came out claiming Paxil is dangerous for children and teenagers, John Hopkins comes out with a study saying lithium is safe for children and teenagers? Hm . . curious.

LIthium? The drug that causes liver damage and heart defects in long term use? That lithium? Lithium Carbonate? Li2Co3? That Lithium? Of course over four weeks with 81 kids aged 7-17 everything is going to look fine. I mean, how stupid do you think people are? If you believe that four weeks, two months, or three months or even six months is enough time to gather whether or not that powerful drug is safe enough for developing minds, then you’re off your rocker. I really don’t care if you have an M.D; I look forward to being your colleague and pissing you off.

When I have my M.D and I’m officially done with residency . . . God, can you imagine me?

Just kidding.

I wouldn’t eat people, ew that’s disgusting.

I mean, I despise researchers who put out B.S data, and I despise pill-pushing psychiatrists, but I wouldn’t eat them or kill them. That’s . . .

Anyway, who defines what a disorder is?

Let’s take, for example: Schizoid Personality disorder. I . . . hmm.

A. pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.

2. Almost always chooses solitary activities.

3. Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person.

4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.

5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.

6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others. 7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.
B. Does not occur exclusively during the course of schizophrenia, a bipolar disorder or depressive disorder with psychotic features, another psychotic disorder, or autism spectrum disorder and is not attributable to the physiological effects of another medical condition.

No where in this criteria does it require “impaired functionality” to be a criterion. Which means they’re giving a diagnosis based on their opinion of what disorder is, not on the individual’s opinion of what is disordered. These people generally function just fine. They might be a security guard for 25 years, but how is that any of your business?

Oh, I forgot, this is America: we’re all about individualism; if you’re not striving to be “your best you” in the eyes of society than you’re just a fucking weirdo.

Why is it wrong not to desire a close relationship with someone? It’s wrong because the “majority” of the people don’t experience it. That’s the logic here.

Native cultures have an issue with “majority rules”. Probably because Majority rules is pretty stupid; consensus makes more sense. Life needs variation and variations aren’t wrong, they’re just different. So leave them be.

If someone prefers to be alone, “shows emotional coldness” and lacks close friends, fucking sue them.

I lack close friends. I interact with people because I have to; it’s like a chore to me. Sue me, bitch. That’s a direct challenge. I’m itching for a fight today.

For Christ’s sake.

P.S: For real, at least subpoena me. I’d love to tell a court room full of cameras how stupid you are in defense of all of us different people. I get high off that kind of shit.