Bro, Stop Moving My Arm! Stop It! Weirdo

Today I thought I’d take a different twist on things and talk about an amazing TED talk video I watched on electrophysiology and the ways our technology these days can manipulate neurosignals. This entertained me greatly.

All I could think about was buying myself one of these gadgets. Think if we enhanced it with all the crazy quantum teleportation technology we’ve developed just this last year. I’d go running around slapping random people with electrodes and then come home and sit in the closet with the lights off hooking them up to my legs and my arms and laugh knowing when I extended my arm someone was slapping their boyfriend or when I kicked my leg someone was kicking the knee of a guy standing in front of them in line. Just how diabolical could we get with this freaky science?

The day we transport thoughts via quantum entanglement is the day I’m building my underground barricade made of aluminum foil. Reynolds Wrap will see a huge increase in sales from me personally.

My Future Children’s School Attire

You can’t call someone deluded when the threat is real.

Which begs an interesting question. A lot of paranoid delusions today revolve around satellites and the government tracking your every move, your every thought. When that becomes a well-known and accessible truth, do we still call these people deluded? Or will the delusions themselves manifest differently? It would interesting to see how much of the environment really plays a part in the development of paranoid/delusional disorders and thinking. Just a thought.

Anyway, the guy in that TED talk started this website and I’ve checked it out, it’s awesome!  The human-to-human interface,  the machine he used in this TED talk (although probably not equipped with quantum physics as of YET; let me finish taking my physics classes and I’ll get started right away) is $260. I’m thinking of buying one. They have tons of little other gadgets and work with students, teachers, whoever, to get kids and schools interested in such an understudied field like neuroscience. How else are we going to improve on the disgraces we call psychotropic medication? If no one’s studying it, well you’re going to be stuck taking a cocktail of pills that will eventually ruin your heart, your liver, kidneys, and other such vital organs. We need researchers. And I think handing a kid a machine where they can control their friends arm with their brain can go one of two ways:

  1. Turn them into a raging mad scientist who deconstructs the machines and rebuilds a new one and incorporates quantum properties and ends up controlling the presidents, kings, and prime ministers of the world and makes them hit that big red nuclear war button on accident when he really meant to make them pick up that hot cup of coffee and spill it on the vice president as a joke and then destroys all of humanity except the cockroaches.
  2. Or motivates them into a future career in neuroscience and understanding the brain.

I mean, life is really all a big 50/50 isn’t it? You might wake up, you might not; you might have kids, you might not; you might laugh at that corny joke your professor tells, you might not; You might like the new Imagine Dragons album, you might not.

Completo: The Table Top Electrophysiology device. Fit for High School students or Graduate students!

I’m going to check out their Completo and find myself some Earthworms and probe the fuck out of them and measure the fuck out of their sensory neurons. I’m drooling just thinking about it. I will never sleep again if I start purchasing their equipment. Don’t feel sad for the Earthworms, they gave their life to science. Which do you think they prefer: to be used for amateur neurological research or to be eaten by some asshole fish? I mean, really, pick and choose here people, I’m making his demise worth something.

Anyway, I’d recommend checking out these guys if you’re at all interested in the brain or current research going on. More power to them; I think they’re doing a great job making this type of equipment available to anyone.

Kids learn way better when they see science in action rather than sitting in a chair and learning “This is a muscle. This is a bone. This is a brain. This is a cell. Now go home”. We need more little aspiring neuroscientists in this world.

2 thoughts on “Bro, Stop Moving My Arm! Stop It! Weirdo”

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